Forbidden
by TheElsianPrincess
Summary: Clary lives in a world decimated by nuclear war. Her new job? Reproduce with a partner for 17 years. The catch? Don't fall in love. Clary has no problem with this system, until she begins having nightmares about a certain boy with gold eyes. When she finds she's Coupled with the same boy, her first reaction is terror. Is love worth the risk of death? Highly Sexual Content!
1. Chapter 1

**_Chapter Song: Broken Wings, Mister Mister_**

* * *

_A hand over my mouth. Suffocating. Kicking. Trying to scream. Throat is raw. Being dragged across the floor. And yet…I can see everything around me. I can see him. He's across the room, lying on the floor, unconscious, blood the color of deep scarlet pooling around him._

_They shot his shoulder and missed his heart._

_It's funny. I always thought blood would be bright red. But it's not. It's crimson._

_I should be glad. I should be glad that they're killing me and not him. That he's escaped this. But I am selfish. I do not want to die. I do not want to be separated from this boy. I am so, so selfish._

_Maybe dying would be better. Better than being locked up in a dark prison cell for the rest of my life, separated from him. At least in death I can find escape. There is no escape for him. Maybe one day he'll forget about me. Maybe one day he'll move on. Maybe they're release him, and he can be Coupled like he should have been in the first place. Safe from me (and all the destruction I bring) at last._

_I rather doubt it._

_I have to live._

_I have to get back to him._

_I am selfish._

_I scream and kick and punch, but they have a tight grip on me, these White Guards. The elevator doors open up and I can hear a loud roar, like someone very large sucking in air through a thin straw. My eyes are wide open and I see the giant, black hole through the doors of the elevator, the wind whipping my hair around my face._

_They're going to drop me down the hole._

_They have dragged me to the edge and are now attaching me to a large, claw-looking contraption. The claw tightens around my body and picks me up, holding my thrashing, squirming body over the giant hole. I can't see the bottom. I feel only terror, only a horrific, cold fear streaming through my veins._

_I look up at the boy, whose golden eyes are staring at me now, wide and desperate. His mouth is forming a word over and over again—my name, I think. I stop fighting the claw. "Jace!" I manage to scream._

_And then I'm plunging into the darkness. _

* * *

"Clary! Clary, wake _up_!"

Something soft smashes into my face and I sit up abruptly, spitting and swatting away whatever is pressed against me. I blink slowly, squinting in the bright fluorescent light. "What the-?"

Isabelle is staring at me, her onyx eyes wide, a pillow in her hands. I scowl. "You could've just shaken my shoulder or something. You didn't have to smash my face in," I snap.

Isabelle just blinks. "Who's Jace?"

I furrow my brow. Something tickles the back of my mind… "Jace? Doesn't sound like anyone I know."

"Me neither. I've never heard of her, whoever she is."

I shrug and kick the scratchy wool blankets off of my legs. I remember having a nightmare…and the name Jace sounds familiar. But I don't remember my dream, and it's highly unlikely I ever will.

I've been having a lot of nightmares lately. They say that the dreams are a symptom of anxiety, normal for a girl who's just turned sixteen. Normal for a girl who's two weeks from being Coupled.

Isabelle tosses her pillow back on her mattress and helps me jump off of mine. She and I share a bunk bed in our Unit. In total, there are twenty beds in our Unit. Only eighteen are used now. We started out as a normal, full unit of twenty girls, but one girl gave in to hysteria when we were all thirteen and her bunk mate soon followed.

Such things happen. Some girls can't handle our society, the way it works. The nightmares become too real for them. They can't tell themselves that they're just dreams. That they won't really come true. That they won't really ever fall in love. That the Division has complete and total control and is watching out for their safety. They don't believe it.

I'm not even sure I believe it myself, but I know I won't turn into a sobbing, convulsing mess one day and have to be locked up in the Asylum. I refuse to.

Isabelle and I walk to the showers together, finding an empty stall and pulling the curtain shut behind us. I was ridiculously uncomfortable in the beginning, when we learned at the age of seven that we had to take showers with our bunk partner to conserve water. But now, I'm so used to it that I don't even think twice about it. We're best friends. As bunk partners, we're together for everything. For school, for exercise, for formal activities. Everywhere I go, she goes…along with the rest of our Unit.

In Idris, my country, when we're born, we're taken from our biological parents and put into a Unit Nursery along with nineteen other babies of our same gender. I'm not sure how they choose us, but I know it isn't random. It has something to do with intelligence and beauty and fertility potentials and such…Anyway, we're raised by Caretakers until we are seven, when all of us are moved into an official Unit Living Compartment. There we spend the next eleven years growing up together, going to the Unit School together, eating together, sleeping together, everything. Isabelle and the eighteen other girls in my Unit (excepting my Instructors and Madame Celine, of course) are the only people I've ever seen in my life.

Our country is split up somewhat complexly. In total, the whole country must take up about a thousand miles of land. It is split into five Divisions. In each Division, there are twenty five Units of girls, and twenty five Units of boys. The adults are off in some unknown Division of their own. Or at least, that's what we all assume. There are the men and women assigned the task of raising all of us. That's all we know of the grown up world.

When each Unit turns 16 (we all have one collective birthday), the girls and boys in their corresponding Units are Coupled. So, the Unit One girls are coupled with the Unit One boys and so on. When each Couple turns eighteen, they are given a large, private house, and no one except government officials and doctors bothers them until they are thirty five, the designated final year of Fertility. During those seventeen years, our job is to produce as many children as is possible, thereby replenishing our decimated population numbers.

See, a long time ago, there was a giant war, called the Global War, and it wiped out 90% of the human population. A bunch of educated Americans got together (supposedly. Rumors circulate the history classrooms that tell us it's possible that people from Europe, Canada, and the Middle East were included) and created the country of Idris. The Original Ultimate One (our sovereign ruler) wrote the Fertility Act, which basically demands us to do everything I have just described to you.

But there's a catch.

You can't fall in love with your partner. And you don't get to keep your children. Children are a burden on the Fertility Rate of a Couple, they say. I can't say I disagree. I wouldn't know the first thing about taking care of a baby. I don't even know what one looks like. And I'm not even sure I know what love is, so I'm confident I can't possibly fall into it. Falling in love is something to be terrified of. All it results in is misery and execution.

Ah, well. We all make our own choices, I suppose.

Isabelle and I finish washing up and we wrap ourselves in the thin, discardable paper robes the government provides us with every morning. We get back to our bunks and zip each other into our navy blue jumpsuits, with the gold, embroidered Unit 19 standing out over our hearts like badges of honor. I like Unit 19. 19 is a good number.

We join the rest of our Unit and walk down the dining hall, where the usual five tables of four have been set up and supplied with bowls of steaming hot oatmeal. Today, we find raisins on the top. I wonder what the treat is for.

Madame Celine stands at the front of the room, her navy blue dress sweeping the floor like a Cleaner's dust mop. Her grey hair is piled atop her head in a bun, and her kind, aged face watches us girls eagerly, as if she can't wait to tell us something. Something has excited Madame. She clasps her hands together once we're all looking at her and she beams at us. "Exalted Morning, girls!" she chirps.

"Exalted Morning, Madame Celine," we all chorus brightly.

"I have a surprise for you this morning!"

"I knew it," Isabelle mumbles next to me. I can't help but smile.

"As you know, two weeks from today, you will all be officially Coupled with a young man from Unit 19, and you will begin the glorious task of repopulating the world in just two short years." She grins widely.

The girls have perked up, including me. I lean forward with the rest of them, not wanting to miss a word she says.

"You will not be meeting your partner in those dreadful jumpsuits, of course…so tomorrow…after your shower…you will find them missing from your beds."

The silence is shattered by the low, urgent murmur of teenaged voices, all whispering about the fact that is we have no jumpsuits, we have nothing to wear. Madame continues eagerly.

"In their steads, you will be wearing a skirt, a blouse, a sweater, tights, shoes, and yes, _undergarments._" Madame smiles at us like we are a group of beloved, small children, who are growing up too fast, and…is that an actual _tear _in her eye? Madame is one of the most dramatic people I've ever met…in my limited experience, of course.

The whispers escalate into the spoken voice, still talking about the same thing.

I frown. I like my jumpsuit. It's comfortable and airy.

Madame claps twice and the room goes silent. She nods at all of us. "I know it's exciting. You may all talk about it over your breakfast, but now, we must pray."

We all bow our heads dutifully, close our eyes, and fold our hands together.

"Oh great, exalted One of the Ultimate Discovery. We recognize you as the Salvation of human kind. You brought our species out of the ashes. You created a way for us to survive off the land still smoking from the nuclear bombs. We thank you now for giving us the means to live. We thank you for our meal this morning. And most importantly, we thank you for the Glorious Fertility Act, which has enabled us to grow as a community. May your spirit live forever within our system. Conclusion."

At the end of the prayer, the room erupts into one loud swell of voices. I turn to Isabelle, who is hiding behind the curtain of her dark hair, stabbing at her oatmeal with her spoon. I frown. Not much puts Isabelle out of sorts. "Aren't you excited to be wearing real clothes?" I ask.

She fixes her bright eyes on me for a moment. "No," she says finally. "I'm comfortable with what I'm wearing now."

I nod, relieved. "Me too."

We eat our oatmeal in silence, both trying to block out the other girls' conversation about what wearing underwear must be like. My guess? Uncomfortable.

* * *

After breakfast, we have our classes. Today, our first class is the Anatomy and Physiology of the Reproduction System. It's a class we've been taking for two years now, and we will have to take it for two more years before we go off to live with our Partner and begin our job. Isabelle and I spend most of class using our styluses to draw ridiculous, inappropriate pictures of male anatomy on our DocTabs. We already know everything. Male enters female. They wiggle a bit. Baby is possibly made.

In fact, I'm drawing a rather…disfigured male part and snickering at it when a tall man with glasses and a clipboard enters the room and looks around at us. We all stare. We rarely see men, and we've never seen this man, and we don't know what he's doing in our classroom.

"Isabelle and Maia. Identification numbers 31008346 and 31007524."

Isabelle shoots me a panicked look and rises slowly from her seat, pulling at her sleeves nervously. She joins Maia and the man at the door. Something flashes in my eyes and I squint and look closer at the man. He has a badge on his white lab coat that says _Fertility Physician._

Oh.

This can only mean one thing, and it makes perfect sense. The nightmares, our Unit turning sixteen this past weekend, the new clothes.

Testing has begun. Isabelle and Maia. have been chosen as the first girls of our Unit to be Tested.

Which means I'm next.

* * *

**_Disclaimer: Yes, I am the person who originally posted it. Yes, I am rewriting it. _**


	2. Chapter 2

_**I'm pasting my FAQ here before y'all ask me these questions again. **_

**_Why do you keep deleting all your fanfics?: _**I don't keep deleting them. I deleted them all once in a random fit of stress and frustration, and please trust me when I say that I regret deleting them every single day. I want so much to just pick up where I left off in both Everything and Nothing and Forbidden, but I can't. And I am so sorry for that, you guys. I really am. I've learned a lesson, though, not to delete things. If I lose motivation or love of my stories, I promise, it may take me months to get back to them, but I will _never ever again delete them._

**_What's your updating schedule?:_**So, for a very long time, I haven't had an updating schedule. But now that school's out and I have a teensy bit more time to write, I am putting up an updating schedule, and here it is:

Everything and Nothing: Expect updates on ONE of the following days of each week: Monday or Saturday Forbidden: Expect updates on ONE of the following days of each week: Sunday, Wednesday, or Saturday

_**Will you BETA my story?: **_I beta stories one at a time, depending on my availability, and right now, I'm beta-ing SweetheartoftheSun's story. Which, by the way, y'all should go check out. It's awesome.

_**Cheerier notes at the bottom! Enjoy!**_

* * *

Isabelle's not talking to me.

Well…she's _talking _to me. But she's not telling me what I want her to tell me, which is what, exactly, they did to her during Testing. She's abnormally cheery, which is not how most girls come back from their Tests…or, well, so I'm told.

Maia's behaving normally. She's been walking around wrapped in perpetual gloom, and she's very, very pale.

They do tell us what they're going to do ahead of time, of course. It would be cruel and defiance against our Law if they didn't tell us what we were in for.

* * *

_Fertility Testing (McGraw/Hill, 2318) Chapter Thirteen: The Procedure; Page 167_

_Many girls experience feelings of uneasiness before their Tests take place. This is normal and expected. The part of the girl's body being tested has never been explored before, and many girls have been taught that these parts are intimate and personal, as they should have been taught. The only person (aside from the Fertility Department staff and your previous Caretakers) who will ever see that part of you will be your Partner._

_To familiarize you with what will be happening, according to Law, and so you may prepare yourself for what is to come, we have written a play-by-play of the procedure you are to go through._

_A Fertility Physician will call you by both name and ID number, out of class, and you will not be returning until later that night, after all tests are run._

_Once you have left your class, your Physician will hand you a thin, opaque robe for walking around the facility. You will be requested to __**completely **__undress, and redress in the robe._

_You will be led to your Physician's laboratory, which is equipped with many machines, a viewing platform, and an examination table. Do not let this intimidate you! The Physicians do not want to harm you in any way and take the utmost care with each girl!_

_You will be requested to disrobe completely._

_This is where things may begin to be uncomfortable, and even embarrassing._

_First, a female nurse will come in and rub your body with a simple, painless hair-removing cream. It's easier to do your exam when you don't have body hair obstructing sight or touch, and it could even make sex more pleasurable! This is a special cream designed by the Health and Reproduction Bureau, and once your hair is gone, it will not grow back for the rest of your life. Make sure none gets on your face or the top of your head._

_Your Physician will first feel your breasts. This is to check for any cysts, tumors, or other abnormalities that could possibly endanger your life. Breathe normally. Sometimes, throughout the entire procedure, it helps to stare at the wall if you are standing, or stare at the ceiling if you are laying down. It may even help to think of your duty toward the Original Ultimate One!_

_Your Physician will check other parts of your body—your reflexes, your flexibility, your heart rate, your lungs. All essential parts of living a healthy life and producing healthy children._

_Your Physician will then lead you to an ADM-All Detection Machine. This is perfectly painless. The machine takes a few high-powered images of your body, and detects broken bones, cancerous cells, tumors, and even hormones and chemicals!_

_Your Physician will then lead you to the examination table and take a pint of your blood for various blood tests. We must test for things like hormone levels, to see if any hormones are required to be added into your diet for maximum fertility._

_After, because you may be feeling rather faint because of the loss of blood, you will be given a sugary treat to get your energy levels back up!_

_When you finish your food, the Physician will have you lay down on the table. The Physician will strap your arms down to the table. This is for your safety and for the safety of the Physician, so you do not hit the Physician out of surprise, pain, or discomfort. The Physician will also strap your ankles into small stirrups attached to the table and spread your legs so that he or she may continue with the examination._

_The Physician will use a tool called a __**speculum **__to examine the inside of your pelvic area. It will be uncomfortable and possibly painful (BUT ONLY IF YOU MAKE IT SO). Please relax! It's easier for the Physician to make sure you are healthy, and it's more comfortable for you!_

_The Physician will then take a sample of cells from—yes, down __**there**__—just to make sure you, again, do not have cancer._

_This part will be the most uncomfortable part of your examination, but it is what you make it! It can also be the best part of your exam! As you have already learned, orgasms evolved as a fertility booster. That's right. When you, a girl, have an orgasm, it helps the sperm travel faster and more directly up the path to connect with your precious egg. So, this is where you'll learn what exactly an orgasm feels like, so you may know when it's happening when you are finally left alone with your Partner. The Physician will be __**watching**__, but not __**touching. **__He or she will strap a device called a __**vibrator **__to your pelvic area and turn it to a mild setting. Then, he or she will attach a machine to your vaginal tube, and the machine will time how long it takes for you to reach climax, how long your climax lasts, the intensity of the climax, and how many times your walls contract._

_Congratulations! You will receive your clothes back and you are allowed to go back to your Living Compartment to take a well-deserved shower and a nap! Your test results will be delivered the day before you are Coupled._

* * *

Say whatever you want about the 'callousness of the reproduction system,' but you have to admit…they educate us. Though, they can't tell us exactly what an orgasm feels like, so…none of us really know what to expect.

Now, however, both Isabelle and Maia have experienced one, and Isabelle won't even tell me what it was like. And it's my turn tomorrow.

Madame Celine was dead serious yesterday, when she said we'd be wearing underwear today. When Isabelle and I return from our unusually quiet shower in the morning, our clothes are laid out on our beds.

There's a crisp, white button down blouse, a navy blue jacket with the familiar, golden stitching over the right breast, a blue and green plaid, pleated skirt, white tights, and black, high-heeled shoes…pumps, I think they're called.

"What, in the One's name, is this?"

I turn to see Isabelle staring, her nose wrinkled, at a thin garment hanging off her finger. It's made of navy blue lace, and it's very…stringy? Realization dawns on me. "I think that's underwear," I say, turning back to look at my own. There's also a…bra. A navy blue bra with little golden dots sprinkling the material like little stars.

"How am I supposed to _wear _this?" Isabelle says in disgust.

"Like this!" Maia flounces by, wiggling her butt in the air, in an infinitely better mood than she was last night. She's wearing the bra and the underwear, but the underwear doesn't cover _anything_! Her skin is smooth and perfect looking, and I'm instantly jealous. She looks amazing after her Tests. And she, apparently, feels amazing. What happened to the crazy upset girl from last night?

Isabelle frowns and slips the underwear on, quickly pulling her tights and skirt on over it. She seems…more gloomy than she did yesterday, and she still won't tell me anything, which irritates me to no end. How am I going to know what to expect if my best friend won't tell me anything?

I find out very quickly that the underwear is as predicted. It's uncomfortable. The bra isn't…the bra is fine. But the _underwear! _How on earth am I to be expected to walk around with a strap of lace wedged between my butt? What purpose does it serve?

The skirt, tights, blouse, jacket, and shoes all fit perfectly, as if they were tailored to my exact size…which, I realize belatedly, they probably were. I feel ridiculously confident in these new clothes. Especially when I hear the heels clack against the concrete floor of the Unit. I pace the room, fascinated at this new noise, enjoying it to no end. Why have I never been introduced to this sound before? It's _glorious_!

After my fifth time circulating the room, Isabelle pulls me out of orbit, toward the door. "Come on, Clare," she says. "It's time for breakfast."

I make a face at her and pull my arm out of hers, choosing instead to stomp to the dining hall, thoroughly enjoying the clicky-clacky sound of my new shoes…Isabelle's annoyed face isn't bad either_. She's_ annoying_ me_ by not telling me anything. _I'm_ annoying _her_ by enjoying the sound of the click clacks. That's what I'll call these shoes. Pumps sound stupid, they don't pump anything. They are now called Clicky Clacks.

Madame Celine is awaiting us when we arrive to breakfast, beaming once again. First, I'm confused by her look of ecstasy and the girls' gasps…and then I see them. The tables, which usually hold our every day, ordinary meal of oatmeal, hold meals that we only receive on holidays and other special occasions. Each plate contains all of the following: two biscuits with sausage gravy poured over the top, scrambled eggs, two strips of thick, fatty bacon, toast and jam, and pancakes with a little jar of syrup and a slice of butter. I gasp like the other girls and race to my plate, marveling at the food that is almost sure to make me feel sick if I eat all of it. I pick up my glass, next to my plate. It's my special glass, the one that has Clarissa Adele painted in curvy, gold lettering on the side.

"Orange juice!" I exclaim happily. "Real orange juice!"

We only get orange juice on The Original Ultimate One's birthday anniversary.

"Please sit, girls! Lots to talk about today!"

We all sit, and after the prayer, the room explodes into flurries of excited talking. I turn to Isabelle.

"Iz…" I mutter. "Why the hell won't you tell me what happened yesterday?"

Isabelle takes a sip of her juice and squeezes her eyes shut for a moment before replying. "Because, I've…I've been trying to sort myself out. My feelings. I don't…yeah. I've been trying to sort things out."

I frown. "What's there to sort out?"

She glances at me darkly before stabbing into her eggs and shoving a bite into her mouth.

I get the distinct feeling that she's trying to avoid the conversation. Too bad I won't let her. Too bad I'm 'annoying and stubborn' as Miss Melissa, my kindergarten teacher, told Madame Celine once. I take Isabelle's orange juice and move it out of reach before she can snatch it back. "Talk, or I'll drink your orange juice."

Isabelle, frowning, sets her fork down. She wipes her mouth delicately. "It wasn't what I expected, okay?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I ask.

Isabelle's eyes widen. "Clary," she hisses. "Shut up! We're going to get in so much trouble if Madame catches you cursing."

I simply stare until she gives in and talks again.

She sighs. "They don't…they don't tell you how _good _it feels in the textbooks, Clare. I mean, yeah, they tell you it can be pleasurable, and people like having orgasms, but…I mean, they don't tell you exactly how controlling one can be. Does that make sense?"

I shake my head. I'm intrigued. Highly intrigued.

Isabelle blows air through her teeth. "I just…I don't know. I lost all control of my body when it…happened. I couldn't see. I couldn't hear. I remember arching my back and I remember just…the most intense, indescribable feeling flooding through me. And afterward, the Physician was grinning and shaking his head as he was writing on his DocTab. And then he looked at me and said 'Isabelle…I do believe you've passed this part of the Tests with flying colors.' And then he just gave me my clothes and told me I had nothing to worry about. I'm just…surprised. We've always been told that this was our duty as citizens of Idris, but…well…I was never told I might actually like it."

This is good news. This is _very _good news.

"Ladies! Girls, please listen!"

The room quiets and we all turn curiously to Madame Celine, whose face has turned a bit red. Has she been yelling at us this entire time? How embarrassing…

She takes a deep breath. "Thank you. Goodness, you're all chatty today. No matter, I can guess why." She beams.

We all lean forward.

"As you all know, yesterday, Testing began! Changes are coming, and you all will quickly be shaped into beautiful, promising young women by the time your Coupling comes around. As we speak, the boys of Unit 19 are also being told of the changes coming to them in the nearby days. No longer do they wear similar navy jumpsuits. Now, they wear khaki pants, black dress shoes, white shirts and navy jackets. They do not, of course, wear the same underwear as you…" Madame pauses and the entire room erupts into giggles. Really, these girls can be so stupid. Not that the image of a boy in our underwear isn't rather entertaining… "But they are wearing clothing that suits them well. The change coming today? Your diet. You are all good, strong girls, but you need to put on a few extra pounds before you begin reproduction. Not so many pounds that you will be overweight, but enough to aid in reproduction. We want you to be as healthy as possible, so that you may produce the healthiest children of the entire Division!"

The girls around me all cheer, and Isabelle and I join in.

* * *

Sure enough, later that day in Physical Education, I'm called out with Maia's bunkmate, Kaelie.

"Clarissa, number 310019829, and Kaelie, number 310027876?"

I flash a nervous smile at Isabelle, who gives me a thumbs up, before getting up and joining Kaelie and the Physician. I have nothing to worry about, right?

* * *

So far, they're doing exactly what the textbook told me they'd be doing. I've been given the opaque, papery robe they promised, and I've undressed completely, and I've put the robe on. Now I'm just waiting for my Physician.

As soon as I think this, the door opens and a kind, middle aged man pokes his head in. Clarissa?" he smiles.

I nod, suddenly nervous. "That's me," I chirp. I think my voice just climbed two octaves.

The Physician enters with a clipboard, and the door seals shut behind him with a loud suctioning noise. I shiver, and part of my nightmare from a few nights ago tickles at the back of my mind. I shake it off.

"Hello, there. I'll be your examiner today, Clarissa, and before we get started, I have a few questions to ask you. So, why don't you just hop up on the table there, and we'll start talking, okay?"

I nod and hop up onto the small examination table behind me, swinging my legs back and forth and listening to the sound of the papery robe crinkle as I move.

"All right." The Physician purses his lips. "My documents here say you've been having nightmares recently?"

I blink in surprise. How do they know that? I nod hesitantly, unsure of what to say.

He smiles. "Don't worry about it. I'm here to answer all your questions, okay? I bet you're wondering why it's so bad to fall in love, just like so many other girls are wondering the same thing."

I actually wasn't wondering that, but hey, whatever he wants.

"The simple answer is that love causes complications. If a woman loves her partner, what's to stop her from loving her child? If she loves the child, she may not want to hand it over to the government, to the Units, and she may want to take care of the child herself. That's a burden, Clarissa. If she has such a burden, the children she produces after the first may not be as healthy or productive as her first."

I nod in understanding.

"The other simple reason is that we can only have people reproducing until thirty five. People who are in love will try to reproduce after thirty five, and how can we separate a Couple in love, so that they may work and be productive in other areas? The simple answer is to not be in love. It is possible to produce the hormones necessary for sex without simultaneously producing the hormone that causes love. It's why we've invented medicines for struggling Couples. If they're afraid of having sex because they're afraid of forming attachments, we simply put certain hormones in their food, let them know we put the hormones in their food, and voila! Problem solved. Understand?"

I nod again. Of course. Of course he's right. Not that I was worried in the first place, but…whatever.

He leads me through a maze of sterile white hallways, so unlike the soft yellow ones of my Living Compartment, and so unlike the blue ones of my school, and the air smells sharp and septic. Finally, at the end of the maze, there's a small silver door titled _Laboratory 36_, and it is through that door that we enter into one of the most terrifying rooms I've ever seen in my life.

No wonder the textbook tells us not to be scared. This place is horrifying! There are large bay windows and a balcony circulating the entire room, and there are at least fifty people in lab coats watching me through them, writing furiously on their DocTabs. Loud, beeping machines line the walls, vials of blood sit in a see through…refrigerator looking thing…The examination table stands slightly off center of the room, still in view of every single window, and there are cameras everywhere. I stop walking, my heart slamming against my ribs.

"I can't believe I forgot!" the Physician exclaims. He turns to me. "Don't be afraid, Clarissa. You'll be fine. These people watching are all either Government officials here to make sure I'm doing my job right, or they're new trainees—people who are being trained to do this job."

I swallow. "What are the cameras for?"

The Physician peers at the cameras before laughing. "We're simply making a new documentary to show in the future classrooms, so that girls will know what the procedure looks like."

_What?! _My mind is screaming at me. I don't want thousands of girls in the future watch me…watch…watch—

"Oh, Clarissa…don't worry. They won't see the final part of the exam, and they won't see _you_. They'll see me, mostly. The less revealing parts of the exam and the tools…but they won't see your face, and they won't see your body. Not really."

This does little to comfort me, but…it's not like I can really argue. I nod and shrug out of my robe, walking self-consciously to the small rack on the side of the room and hanging my robe on top of it. I walk back to the center of the room, to the examination platform, highly aware of every eye and lens on me as I do so. I shiver in the center of the room, but I do not cross my arms over my body. I will not.

A nurse enters the room with a small tube of white cream, and she pours some into her hands. "This won't hurt," she says, smiling warmly at me. "But it will feel a bit odd to have most of your hair gone."

She rubs the cream all over my body…_all over _my body, and it's all I can do not to yelp in surprise. Her hands are cold and so is the cream. Once she's done, the Physician hands her a towel, and she wipes all the cream off with it. Except, it's not just the cream that comes off on the towel. An entire body's worth of hair comes off, too, and it makes me want to throw up. That's disgusting. I've never liked body hair. I always thought it was annoying and it got in the way of things and irritated my skin…but the sight of it all in one spot? Ew. The nurse grabs a hose from the one of the machines and rinses me off with lukewarm water, and I can't help but gasp at the feeling. It's like the water is suddenly filling my empty pores, and my skin is extra sensitive. It feels…good.

The nurse leaves and the Physician comes back from talking to one of the cameras, his hands encased in rubbery looking gloves. He smiles at me before turning to our audience. "Now it is time for the mammary exam," he announces.

He walks over to me. "Lift your arms up, please, Clarissa."

"I thought we weren't using identifying bits of information," I hiss.

He smiles tolerantly. "The microphones of the camera are disabled, sweetheart. Now, lift your arms."

I obey and suddenly his cold, clammy, rubbery hands are rubbing at my armpits. Not funny. That _tickles._ I'm _ticklish. _I squirm as a reflex, and he chuckles.

"We've got a ticklish one," he announces. The crowd behind the glass laughs as he moves his hands under my breasts.

He takes each one in his hands, squeezing them gently, and I'm feeling distinctly uncomfortable, almost ready to back away and tell him, okay, you've felt them enough, when he drops them and steps back.

"Well," he says kindly. "You have no sizable lumps. That's a good thing. Now we have to test other things."

He runs me through a series of tests. There are the medical ones, like height, weight, blood pressure. And then he has me do things like fall into the splits…the straddles…he has me jump up and down 100 times, run three laps of the room. Weird things like that, but I suppose it all has to do with matching me to the best partner possible.

"Good, Clarissa, good! Good. You're about halfway through, sweetheart, keep it up. Now we're going to run you through the ADM, okay? Just to make sure we aren't missing anything. We have to be thorough, you know."

I nod and follow him to a large, tube-like machine that's beeping and whirring everywhere. The cylindrical structure opens and lights up inside. I get in. One large, white flash, and it's over. That was oddly fast. I thought it would be longer, but before I know it, the Physician has opened the door again and is pulling me out, smiling. "Good girl."

I must be racing through these tests. Is that normal?

He leads me to the table, and my heart begins slamming again. This will be the worst part. No, not the orgasm part. The blood part.

I'm absolutely terrified of needles.

The Physician brings over a tall machine with a bag attached at the end of a long tube, at the end of which is a wickedly sharp needle. "This might sting a bit," he says, pinching and pulling at the inside of my elbow. "But it's necessary for the blood tests, okay?"

I nod slowly and his expression is sympathetic.

"You're scared of needles, aren't you?"

I nod very quickly.

He chuckles a little. "I can tell. Your eyes got very wide when you saw me with the needle and all the blood rushed from your face. Don't worry about it. See? It's already in your arm and you didn't even notice."

I glance down at my arm and see, to my surprise, that he's right. "How…how did you—"

He taps me on the nose almost affectionately and reaches to straighten out the tube. "Practice, dear. Practice."

Soon enough, the bag is filled with my blood and he's pulling the needle out and carting the contraption away. When he returns, he holds a small slice of cake with frosting on top and I get so excited I almost fall off the examination table. I'm not kidding.

I wolf it down in approximately ten seconds.

I should have gone slower because next, his rubber gloves are back on and he's telling me to lay down and position my wrists on my sides. I do so, my heart slamming once again, trying to escape.

The Physician straps my wrists to the table, tight enough so that I can't break out, but not too tight so as I'm uncomfortable or in pain. He lifts my legs and locks them into the stirrups, and then he presses a button on the side of the table and slowly, slowly, my legs are spread apart.

It's… cold. I'm pretty sure my legs have never been spread this far without clothes on, and the air is hitting me mercilessly. I've never felt that before. He pulls out a long, beakish looking instrument…a speculum, I presume. He slips it inside me and I gasp, reflexively squirming away from it. It's cold, it's metal, it doesn't belong there.

I stare at the ceiling for a few minutes, but it doesn't help. At all. I'm relaxed, I think, I really am. I can't do this though, it's so uncomfortable and gross, and…done.

Suddenly the coldness and discomfort leave.

An instrument…the, er, vibrator…is strapped to my pelvis and I feel something stick attach to the inside of me. He turns the vibrator on.

_What the hell?! _My mind is screaming and I try to wriggle away from it, but I can't. This feeling is so strange, and yet…well, I can't say I don't like it. The vibrator is pounding at a part of me I've been told to never explore, not until the time's right, and the feeling is foreign and almost too intense…too much to handle. I'm gasping in oxygen and within a matter of seconds, something is building, building, building, until I'm sure my body is going to burst open at the seams.

And then it does.

This feeling that been building inside of me explodes and I cry out, arching my back. My toes curl and my fists clench and I don't know what this is…I have no idea what's happening but I either want to die…or do it again.

What _was _that?

* * *

**_This is sounding a lot more like a porno that you read instead of watch...I promise that there's less porn in the future, but when it gets smutty, it gets...well...you just read the chapter. You get the idea._**

**_Clary: This is kind of a morbid idea, you know that?_**

**_Me: ...I mean, I can take away the sexual parts._**

**_Clary: Is Jace going to be part of them?_**

**_Me: Duh._**

**_Clary: You can leave them._**

**_Aaaaaaaaaaanyway. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! The more reviews you leave, the more motivated I am to updateeeeeee!_**


	3. Chapter 3

I'm not weird.

I'm not abnormal.

There's no way in _hell. _I mean, I did everything right as a child. I did everything they told me to. I exercised, I eat everything I was given, I studied, I…I did everything _right._

And yet, the bright red word _Abnormal _is plastered across the top of my Test results.

"What did you get?" Isabelle asks curiously, straightening her blazer and moving toward my bed with bright eyes.

I fold the paper up quickly and shove it under my pillow. "Normal," I say, smiling brightly, though the pit of my stomach has twisted into a sickening knot. "Perfectly normal."

Izzy raises an eyebrow, but doesn't question me any further. She can't. We can't discuss our results in depth without consequences. Technically, we aren't even supposed to share our results, but the Clave doesn't much care about a bunch of silly teenage girls, weeks away from being Coupled, giggling over their Test results and speculating on the future.

What they care about is our discussion of abnormalities within the group. If I shared my exact results with Izzy…I could be moved to an entirely different Unit, one that wasn't up for Coupling, one that was destined for manual labor. It's a privilege, in this society, to be born into a Unit set aside for reproduction. It's an easy life, relatively speaking, though I don't know much about the lives of the laborers, or the teachers, or really anybody else. But I know they aren't fed and provided for like we are. They're forced to work much harder, and they have to essentially provide for themselves.

"Come on," Izzy says, holding her hand out to me. I grab it and jump down from my bunk, landing awkwardly with the high heels and nearly falling. "It's time for breakfast."

* * *

The orange juice is back, to my delight. They've given us this food and this juice every day for the last two and a half weeks, and I wake up every morning afraid that it won't be there when I get to breakfast. I stare at it and my plate piled with steaming, delicious, greasy food hungrily, wishing that we didn't have to pray before the meal, wishing that I could just devour everything in my sight. Obviously, they don't think I'm _dangerously _abnormal, or they would have pulled me out of my dormitory in the middle of the night, like they did with Aline, two days after her Test. They removed her before she even got her results…

My Test was almost two weeks ago.

Maybe I'm just _kind of _abnormal.

What does Abnormal even _mean_?

"Ladies!" Madame Celine claps her hands and the room, as usual, quiets down. "Congratulations to all of you," she chirps, beaming. "As of last week, you have all officially completed and passed your Testing!"

Every girl—all fifteen of us that are left—starts clapping enthusiastically, myself included. Surely, if I didn't pass, she would have mentioned it. Three girls didn't pass—Aline, obviously, her bunkmate, Helen, and a very strangely behaved girl with glasses named Maureen, who apparently wasn't even supposed to be in our Unit in the first place.

To be a reproducer, you have to have perfect genetics, and those with poor eyesight, hearing, touch, taste—any sense, really—are officially eliminated from the gene pool. They tend to be moved to other Units, to do the laborer jobs. Our superiors tell us that the reason for this is so that, one day, our society can be truly, totally perfect, that one day, only the best genes will be represented. But they also tell us that there will always be those with mutated genetic codes, and those people will always be our laborers, our government officials, our teachers, our nurses. They will do things other than Reproduce, all of which are just as important to a fully functioning society as we are.

"Two of you, however," Madame Celine says, her chipper voice never faltering, "will be called back for further interviewing and some retesting. This will _not, _I repeat, will _not _affect whether or not you pass the Test. If you are still in this room, you have passed, and you _will _become a Reproducer. You will Couple, just as your peers do. You simply need to be reanalyzed for the number of offspring you will bear, and for your future position in the Society. So, Kaelie Whitewillow and Clarissa Morgenstern, please report back to the dormitory after breakfast, instead of your History of the Clave class."

Thirteen pairs of eyes turn to look at Kaelie and I, who are sitting in close proximity, and I can feel the blood rising to my face. Izzy's expression is one of sudden understanding, and though the knot in my stomach has loosened a little bit because of my own understanding, I am still hesitant about the word _Abnormal _being plastered across the top of my Test results.

I raise my hand and wave a little.

"Now," Madame Celine says, drawing the attention of the room back to her. "Let us pray."

"So, you got Abnormal?" Izzy asks around a mouthful of scrambled eggs.

I nod, pulling the crust off a piece of buttered toast and tossing it onto my napkin. "Sorry I didn't tell you this morning. I wasn't sure…"

Izzy waves her hand in dismissal. "Please. I wouldn't have told you either. None of us would have told anyone. No one wants to admit to being identified as Abnormal, no matter how mundane the abnormality."

I nod and pick my fork up, twirling it around between my fingers. "Not when our entire lives revolve around being physically and mentally perfect, anyway," I mutter in reply.

Isabelle says nothing, but nods slightly, taking a sip of her orange juice. She sets the glass back down and watches me with an odd look in her dark eyes. "I bet they want you to reproduce the most," she says. "I heard they're running out of red hair and green eyes, both. They'll probably Couple you with another green-eyed redhead so that every single one of your children comes out looking like you."

The idea fills me with horror. I don't like having red hair and green eyes. I'd much rather look like Isabelle—tall and willowy, with jet black hair, clear skin, and dark eyes. Or even Kaelie, who is equally as tall and willowy, but with blond hair and blue eyes instead. I don't find my coloring attractive in the slightest. And they have to Couple me with someone I find attractive…don't they?

"I'd rather not," I say simply. "I don't find red hair and green eyes attractive."

Isabelle shrugs. "It's not always about who you find attractive, though. I've heard about Couples who were repelled by each other in the beginning. Then their daily menus were adjusted, and they ended up reproducing more than any Couple in their Unit. The Clave can manipulate these things."

A flash of gold eyes appears in my mind's eye and dissipates as quickly as it appears. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. "I'll ask today, when I'm with the Physician."

Izzy raises an eyebrow. "Do you think he'll tell you that sort of thing?"

I shrug. "It doesn't hurt to ask…"

Isabelle sighs. "Just be careful, okay? You have a tendency of pushing for too much information, and you know that the Clave doesn't like that. They want us to obey them for reasons that we may be unaware of. They see the bigger picture, Clary, and we don't. Sometimes, you just have to trust them, whether you want to or not."

* * *

Once again, I'm sitting in a Physician's office, dressed in nothing but a flimsy paper robe, sitting atop an examination table, my short, freckly legs swinging back and forth in my anxiety. Everyone was watching me as the assistant escorted me through the halls from our Unit's dining hall to the Unit Physician's department, and not only the girls in my Unit. The professors stared at me. The assistant stared at me. The Physician's secretary stared at me. The nurse stared at me.

Then again, I muse, they could also have been staring at Kaelie. She is rather pretty.

Suddenly, I'd rather I was the one being stared at.

The door swings open and the Physician enters the room, a clipboard stacked high with papers in his hand, his glasses sliding off the bridge of his hooked nose. It closes behind him, and he looks up at me with a gentle smile. "Hello, Clarissa," he says brightly. "What a pleasure to see you again."

I clear my throat. "It's nice to see you as well, Physician."

His smile grows. "Oh, Clarissa, don't be nervous. You have nothing to worry about. In fact, this examination is cause for celebration."

I raise my eyebrows.

"Well," he amends, laughing a little, "it's more of an interview, really."

"An interview?"

"An interview." The Physician smiles again. "You truly excelled in your Tests, Clarissa. You far surpassed our expectations."

A jolt of surprise passes through my body. "I did?"

"You did. You are in perfect condition, and the timing of your last test…You finished in record time, Clarissa. That portion of the Test takes most girls several minutes to complete. You were done in under a minute."

"That's a good thing?"

"It certainly can be." The Physician opens a drawer filled with blue latex gloves and snaps them on over his hands. "Keep in mind that every girl is different. The timing of the final task isn't a measure of whether or not a girl's body works properly. Every girl in your Unit is unique in their own way—a truly, originally created machine. But for the purposes of reproduction, the faster you finish, the more you can get done—at least, that's what we've observed, especially in the last fifty years."

I nod, only barely comprehending what he says. I don't see what finishing in seconds as opposed to minutes has anything to do with reproduction, but he's the Physician, and I have no choice but to trust that what he says is true. He did, after all, go through strenuous medical training, and I have only the most basic knowledge of my body.

"Hold out your arm, please," he says, and I oblige. "I need to take another sample of your blood, and that will be the extent of the Testing today. The only other thing we're doing today is talking. Having a chat, mostly about you, a little about what you can expect in the coming weeks. Because it will be a bit different than what your Unit mates will be experiencing."

I wince as he slides a needle into my skin and watch with mild horror as my blood leaves my body and fills a large plastic bag in his hand. "Different?" I ask, trying to keep my voice level, though I fail. I can hear the strain in my own voice.

The Physician takes the needle out of my arm and places the bag in an odd container labelled _Chiller_. He slides his hands out of the gloves and drops them down a waste chute. "Different," he repeats. "Clarissa Adele Morgenstern, you and your partner have been chosen as your Unit's Leader Couple."

My eyes widen a little. "Leader Couple? What's that?" That's not something they teach us about in our classes…

"Essentially what it means," he says, seating himself on his spinning stool thing, "is that you will meet your partner tomorrow, instead of two weeks from now. He has been chosen for you since your birth, and has exceeded our expectations of him as well. You will have a two week head start on your assignments, and as such, you will be the example for everyone in your Unit. You have both been given the role of Counselor, so you will be responsible for handling any questions your peers may have about the process. You will be demonstrating all Tasks for your peers. And you will be setting a behavioral example for all of them."

_Leader Couple? _That sounds humiliating…

To have to demonstrate all of our tasks in front of our peers? What is this, the ancient Medieval times, when noble girls were sold to their husbands? Where, in order to make sure that the marriage was binding, an entire audience of people gathered to watch them reproduce?

We don't even have husbands. We have partners. And we're supposed to be in Isolation by the first time we reproduce together, with only the most important Clave Officials and Physicians watching us (possibly) on cameras in our apartments.

The Physician seems to notice my discomfort. "You will be compensated extra," he says quickly. "You will move into your apartment tomorrow, and be able to enjoy all the luxuries it offers. Your apartment is bigger than everyone else's, and more lavishly decorated. You will be served the best food, and when you come out of Isolation, you will be given your first choice of occupation."

Being Leader Couple doesn't seem so bad anymore. "What is the blood test for, then?" I ask haltingly.

The Physician smiles. "Ah, yes. That is so we can confirm how many children, exactly, we think you'll be able to handle. As the leader, you are more likely to produce more children than your counterparts, and we'd like to know how long we can keep you in heat. Our theories are that you'll be able to handle a near constant state." He chuckles. "Your partner certainly will."

"Is he…What's he like?" I ask.

"Oh, you've seen him," the Physician says with a grin. "In your dreams. We've been monitoring them and influencing them, to an extent. His name is Jace."

The boy with gold eyes and gold hair reappears in my mind, as if on command, and I can't help but gasp. "You mean…You've been putting him in my mind for the last three months?" I think that's how long the nightmares have been occurring…

"Of course. You can't construct a random face from thin air. We were trying to familiarize you with him, to an extent. To attach you to each other."

I swallow and remain silent.

"You'll like him," the Physician reassures me. "He's a handful, but truly, you'll like him. He was asking the same exact questions about you when he was in here earlier this morning…er…last night, I suppose."

"Last night?"

The Physician looks uncomfortable. "Ah…yes. Last night. You see, your schedules are staggered. So when you are awake, the boys are asleep. When they are in school, Testing, et cetera, you girls are asleep."

I raise my eyebrows. "Were you allowed to tell me that?"

He laughs again. "Allowed to? Yes. I'm allowed to, though not advised to. So it may be best to keep that little bit of information to yourself."

I nod quickly. I may tell Isabelle. And perhaps…Jace…I wonder what kinds of dreams he's been having about me, if what the Physician says is true. I wonder if he fears losing me, like I feared losing him, the other night. Every nightmare I've ever had about him has come flooding back to me, in the wake of forgetting them almost immediately after they happened. But his name…His name, and the fact that we are Coupled, has triggered something in my brain, something that helps me to remember.

The Physician claps his hands together. "Well, Clarissa. You are done for now. You may head back to class."

I nod again and jump off the table, picking my clothes back up off the countertop.

Before he exits the room, the Physician turns to me. "When you meet him tomorrow…Well, Jace may not be the friendliest of people. He'll try to push you away from him. He's an angry boy. He doesn't like the system, and he never has. We're hoping you'll be able to tame him. So don't give up on him. Have patience. Persevere. And above all, do _not _feed the fire within him."

* * *

_**Was it just me, or was this a rather cheesy chapter?**_

_**Whatever. I liked writing it. So. Yeah.**_

_**What was your favorite part? Are you excited to meet Jace in the next chapter? If you guys leave me lots of nice reviews, I may update tomorrow! Two chapters in one weekend, to make up for the writer's block I've had for the past month. Love you all!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Please Read! This is a note on the apparent heteronormativity of this fanfiction, which was brought to my attention by a Guest reviewer. Whether you think heteronormativity is a good idea or not, it is highly unlikely that in a dystopian society whose apparent functioning goal is to reproduce as many children as possible (basically, to breed their inhabitants) that a lesbian couple would be seen as a contribution to the society.**_

_**Aline and Helen were removed, yes, for Abnormal results. What happened, exactly, was that they showed during their test that they were unaroused by the thought of interacting with males, and so they were removed. If they aren't aroused by a male, they can't reproduce. They weren't killed, and neither was Maureen (Maureen wore glasses. She was removed because her Senses weren't up to par). You aren't killed for your Test results. They were simply moved to other Units whose functioning goals were different than those of the Unit they were placed in at birth. You will see much of the same thing happen with Alec and Magnus, not because of what my opinions are or aren't, but because of the nature of the society they were born into.**_

_**Also. Whether you believe that heteronormativity is a good thing or not, you should treat those who believe differently than you with love and respect. It shouldn't matter what they look like, who they love, or what they do. They're human, just like you, and they deserve to be treated like humans, which is the entire point of this fanfiction. The people in this fanfiction are not treated as human: They're treated as cattle. As breeding material, as mules, as animals, essentially, that keep the well-oiled machine of their society running. The point of this fanfiction is to see what happens when humanity, and basic human rights, are oppressed to the point of bursting. **_

_**And yes, other guest reviewer. They do fall in love. It says that in the summary.**_

_**I apologize for the length of this note.**_

* * *

I can't sleep. The mix of anxiety and excitement for tomorrow's events are a lethal combination, and settle deep into my veins and my mind as if I'd drank a mug full of coffee…even though the last time I drank coffee was the Ultimate One's birthday, three years ago.

I'm also afraid that if I slip into a dream, my dream will be of Jace, and frankly, he's the last thing I want to dream of right now. He and his golden eyes that have been both panicked and jeering in previous dreams. His blood. His laughter. His hands that have touched my shoulders tenderly and have wrapped around my neck in violence.

My breath quickens and I try to stifle my small episode of panic before anyone in the dormitory hears me and wakes up. The last thing I need is for fourteen other girls to crowd around my bunk and ask me if I'm okay, if I'm excited, if I'm nervous…they already had a full two hours of those questions, earlier today at dinner, when Madame Celine ever so thoughtfully got up in front of everyone and announced that I was selected to be the Lead Couple for the Unit.

Not that anyone had known what the Lead Couple was. She'd received fourteen blank stares and one exasperated stare (mine) and ended up having to explain the entire thing. And let me tell you, when all those eyes turned to me, none of them held an expression of jealousy. Most of them, in fact, held expressions of relief that they hadn't been chosen for such a seemingly daunting task. And for the tenth time that day, I wished I was one of them.

I _was _one of them, or so I thought. I can't say it doesn't disturb me that they've had Jace and I chosen as their Lead Couple since we were born. I thought the Test was designed to measure our skill set and determine how much we could handle, so they could match us up with a partner of equal endurance and ability, and that was how they Coupled us. But if they Couple us before our birth…

What does that mean? How could they possibly be able to predetermine our Test results? Or who we could be Coupled with? How could they predetermine things about us before we were even born?

Underneath the thick, woolen blankets that I have tucked up under my chin, I wring my hands in worry and anxiety. I always knew this society wasn't exactly…free with the information they gave us. But already, in the past 24 hours, I've learned things that I'd never even have thought of. I didn't know they could make mistakes when putting certain girls in different Units, as they had with Maureen. Apparently, Maureen was supposed to be born into an Agro Unit—one of the Units that spends their lives learning about how food is grown and harvested, distributed throughout the country.

And if our schedules are staggered with the boys'…Which of us is awake during the day, when the sun is up, and which of us is awake during the night, when it has disappeared behind a horizon that none of us have ever laid eyes on? Has anybody in this country ever been outside? Have they ever seen the sun, the moon, or the stars?

I haven't. The only light I've ever seen has been the fluorescent light of our Unit and its sectioned off hallways. I've never even seen a photograph of the sun, or the moon…Or anything outside, really. All I can imagine is one giant, fluorescent ceiling panel hanging amongst unlit ceiling panels.

It suddenly strikes me how much I don't know.

I swallow hard, turn over, and try to go to sleep.

* * *

"Are you excited?" Izzy asks at breakfast, her eyes a little wider than usual. She chases the last potato on her plate around with her fork, unable to scoop it up.

I raise my eyebrows. "You know, it would be a lot easier if you stabbed it. Like you're supposed to do with a fork."

Izzy sends me a dirty look. "I know. But it's more fun to try and scoop it up."

I shake my head and take a sip of my orange juice.

"Besides," she says, finally getting the potato to roll up onto her fork. She pops it in her mouth with a triumphant smirk. "You didn't answer my question."

"What question?" I ask innocently, snapping a crisp piece of bacon in half.

Isabelle narrows her eyes. "Are you excited for today?"

"What's today?"

"You're an idiot."

I roll my eyes and drop the bacon back onto my plate, aware that at least four girls from other tables are listening in on our conversation. "Sure, I guess. I mean, it's not like I've never seen him before…apparently."

"I wish they'd give me dreams about my partner," Izzy mutters, dropping her fork as she takes the last bite of her pancake. "It would be nice to know if he was hideous or not."

"He's not going to be hideous, Iz," I snort. "They're trying to make the human race _more _attractive, not less attractive."

"But I'm beautiful," she points out, her bottom lip pouting a little. "They could assign me to the ugliest boy in the group with the intention of breeding out his uglier characteristics, and hoping that my genes will just dominate over his."

"I really don't think they're going to give you someone you aren't attracted to, Isabelle," Maia says from the other side of the small table. "You're all speculating on who is going to get the hottest guy, but do you really think they're going to try and get you to reproduce with someone you find repulsive? They're trying to create children, not limit the chances of conception."

Izzy shrugs and drains the rest of her juice. "I'm just saying. Prepare yourself for the worst."

Maia rolls her eyes and looks at me. "Watch her get the hottest guy of them all."

I can't help but nod in agreement. Isabelle is possibly the most beautiful girl in our Unit. If she reproduced with the most attractive boy in our counterpart Unit, their children would practically be superhuman.

"You'll be fine, Iz," I say, finishing my breakfast and pushing the plate away.

"So, Clary," Maia says, after a short silence. "What's his name?"

I fold my hands together. "Jace. Blond hair—well, it's dark. It's really more of a gold. And gold eyes."

Maia's eyes widen in surprise, and her head cocks to the side, a little like a bird's. "Gold eyes? That's a new one…"

I shrug. "I don't know. His eyes might be blue or brown in reality. I just dreamt them as gold."

"Wonder how he inherited _gold _eyes," Isabelle mutters, leaning back in her chair and shaking her head. "Gold? Really, gold?"

"Look, I don't know if they're actually gold," I say, throwing my hands up. "They just…they looked gold in my dream. Kind of…syrupy. Amber."

"Ok, but amber is different from gold," Maia points out. "Amber is very light brown, whereas gold is almost yellow. So, which is it, amber, or gold?"

I purse my lips. "I saw gold."

Maia and Izzy look at me doubtfully.

"I'm just telling you what I saw in my dream!" I protest. "I'll let you guys know what color they actually are in, like, two weeks. You know, no, you can look for yourselves. Because the next time I see you, I'll be with him."

"It's…" Isabelle screws her mouth up to one side, her dark eyes watchful. "We're sorry, Clary, we're just…We're kind of nervous."

"_You're _nervous?"

Izzy nods. "I mean, you have a head start on all of us. You're finding out who your partner is almost immediately after Testing, and we still have to wait half a month. That's two weeks of lying awake at night, wondering, hoping, thinking. And then, you won't be here for a while, you'll be learning everything we have to learn before us. You'll come back and you'll already know exactly what to do."

I can't stop the short laugh that breaks past my lips. "Yeah, sure. Except I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't have anyone to show me. Don't have anyone to say 'Here, this is how you do it.' You guys do. I have to learn all this stuff on my own, by myself, without guidance, so that you guys can have a leader—an example, really."

Isabelle and Maia look down at their hands.

"I'm a glorified tutorial video, really," I mutter.

I am, though. I'm a tutorial video, crafted especially by the Clave, but without the camera and recording equipment. And if my suspicions are true—my suspicion that the Clave genetically manipulates us before we are even conceived, to be who they want, to become what they want—then how many of us were created for the purpose of manual labor?

We were always taught that they analyzed our genes and our ancestry _after _we were born, and then they placed us in Units based off the information they received.

I'm starting to think none of that's true.

* * *

The White Guards that escort me from the dormitory to the apartment are making me more jumpy and nervous than I feel I need to be. I have the strong urge to shove them aside, turn around, and sprint back to the dormitory. But, of course, there's no way I'd be able to surprise them enough to make them lose track of me. If I did try to shove them aside, these burly men whose muscles push and strain at their white uniforms, they might move a half an inch, and they would certainly be able to grab me before I'd even run five feet.

Besides, Madame Celine would just grab my arm and march me to the apartment herself.

I actually think I might prefer that to the men whose faces have appeared as hostile forces in my dreams.

"Is he already there?" I ask, hesitantly.

The guard to my right—Matthew, I think—nods shortly. "He's been there for about five minutes, now. We dropped him off just before we came to get you."

Oh. "Do we have any assignments today?"

"I don't know."

I purse my lips and clasp my hands behind my back as we near the end of the hallway. There's one door at the end of it, and somehow, instinctively, I know what's behind it, and I don't want to see him. I don't want to do this. I don't want to be Coupled, I don't want to reproduce, I don't want to do any of this. Because the fact of the matter is that I'm scared, and no, I have no problem admitting this.

I think it takes a lot of courage and bravery to admit to yourself that you're scared or frightened.

We stop at the door and the guards stand to either side of the door, facing away from it, back down the hall toward where the dormitory is. "Do I open it myself?" I ask.

Both guards nod simultaneously.

I take a deep breath and press my palm against the hand reader on the side of the door, my heart pounding in my chest as the reader senses heat, reads my print, and flashes bright blue.

"_Affirmative. Welcome, Clarissa Adele Morgenstern._"

The door slides open to reveal an entirely dark apartment—every single light has been turned off, for some strange reason—and it is with great trepidation that I cross the threshold and listen to the door shut behind me.

I take a deep breath. "Hello?"

No answer.

I thought he was supposed to have been here for a good five or ten minutes already…

And where the hell are the lights?

I clear my throat. "Lights on," I command the room, and the ceiling lights up, illuminating the space around me. These fluorescents are warmer, yellower, somehow, than the ones I grew up with. They're more like the ones in the dining room—meant for comfort, instead of simple utility.

The walls are bare, but painted a light, soft brown, and the floors are made of the same steely material as the rest of the Unit, but they have been manipulated to look like the pictures of wood I saw once in a textbook. There are dark leather couches and a big fireplace in front of the couches. The fire has been turned on, and though I have never seen fire—real fire—in my entire life, I know exactly what it is.

I saw a picture of fire, once, when Madame Celine showed us a picture of this thing called a forest burning to the ground.

But this fire…this fire almost seems superficial.

I move over to the fireplace and kneel on the deep red rug in front of it. I try and open the glass partition between myself and the fire, but it doesn't budge.

"It's a fake fire."

I nearly jump out of my skin at the sound of another voice. I pull back from the fireplace and whirl around to see a boy I have no doubt is Jace.

His eyes _are _gold. They're actually, really gold. Like honey…

He doesn't look very happy. His blond hair is tousled and he wears plaid patterned pants that look almost like they were made from the same material as our bunk blankets. He also wears what I think is called a tshirt, plain and white. He's barefoot. He's squinting and frowning at me, as though I'm an intruder.

"I—I know…Well, I mean, I was about to guess that it was fake," I stammer, standing up and brushing my skirt off. "I'm Clary."

Jace yawns and bends his back a little, to the point where I can hear his bones popping. "I know," he says. "It's a pretty name. Like the herb, clary sage."

I furrow my brow in confusion. "What? What's an herb?"

A secretive smile pulls at the corner of his lips. "You don't know much of anything, do you?"

I clench my jaw. "I know everything I've been taught, so you can just—"

"Yes," he admits, holding up a finger. "But you really haven't been taught much, little girl. You know nothing beyond the reproduction of the human race."

"That's all I need to know," I reply. "And my name isn't little girl."

The Physician understated his nature, when he said Jace was a handful.

"That's all you've been taught that you need to know. It isn't all you need to know," he says, padding over to one of the couches and letting himself fall into it. He stretches out his long legs and settles his neck against the headrest. His golden eyes flutter shut.

I watch him, not without a little incredulity. "Are you seriously going to sleep right now?"

One golden eye appears, looking at me with a lazy indifference. "I don't know if you've figured it out yet, little girl, but we're on different sleep schedules. Since I got here first, the apartment seems to defer to my sleep schedule. So, if I were you, I'd try to get some sleep, or you'll be too tired to finish our first assignment in the morning."

"It _is _morning," I protest. "I just woke up, like two hours ago. How the hell am I supposed to go to sleep?"

Jace closes his eye again and shifts against the couch. "I don't know. Not my problem. But I'll let you have the bed, if it helps, or makes you feel better."

"And what if I can't sleep?"

"Then just sit somewhere in the dark and be quiet. I was happily asleep until you barged in here, yelled at the lights, and started yanking on the glass doors of the fireplace." His eyes flutter open. "The least you could do is have a little respect for your partner."

"I expect the same from you," I say, yanking my heels off and setting them near the fireplace.

Before I leave to go to the bedroom, I see a smirk creep across his face.

* * *

_**Thank you so much for reading this chapter!**_

_**The response for the last chapter was utterly overwhelming, and truly, it made my day every time one of you guys reviewed :) I don't think you understand how encouraging it is to receive reviews, as an author. When an author doesn't receive as much feedback as he/she thought they would, it's really discouraging. So thank you to all of you who reviewed. It means the world to me.**_

_**So! What did you think? Are you excited for their first assignment? What do you think of (sleepy) Jace?**_

_**Sound off!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**I was going to update Monday. But you guys reviewed so much and you made me so happy and proud that I just had to update today. So thank you, to all of you who reviewed. Your feedback means the absolute world to me!**_

_**For those of you wondering what the ceiling panel lights look like, imagine Sam's dad's place in Tron: Legacy. That's kind of what the feeling should be. Very high tech, soft, but harsh at the same time because of the fluorescents. And a little brighter, as well—not so dark and blue.**_

_**WARNING. The dream scene does contain a situation that is nearing rape. So, if this triggers you, please, just skip the dream scene. All you need to know will be voiced when Clary is awake.**_

* * *

_His golden eyes glitter with malice and dislike. His fine boned nose is slightly wrinkled in disgust as he looks over my naked form, judgement written across this features. "I can't believe they paired me with you," he sneers. "What do you even have to offer me?"_

_I swallow hard, fighting back tears. His hands pin my wrists to the bed. His legs are positioned on the insides of my thighs, keeping them from closing in self-consciousness and defense. I can't move. I can't even try to run away. My stomach muscles feebly contract as I try to squirm away from him._

_He notices and laughs. "Just because I don't like you doesn't mean I'm not going to do what I've been assigned. Do you think I want to be reassigned to another Unit…or eliminated?"_

_I shake my head, tears pouring down my cheeks against my will. _

"_You're crying," he states. "That's pathetic."_

_I can't stop, though. My heart is pounding in my chest, my body trying to flee, but I'm not strong enough to escape him. He's fully clothed, although his pants are unzipped, and he seems to be aroused by my struggling. I immediately stop struggling and go limp, hoping he will as well._

_He leans down and puts his lips near my ear. "I'm going to make you scream."_

_I open my mouth to scream in terror, but he presses his hand over it, and suddenly I can't breathe. I panic, and I squirm again, doing everything I can to fight him off, to unseat him, but he presses harder._

_Suddenly he lets go of me and I sit up, swinging my fist out to hit him. His hands come up in defense. "Don't hit me! Clary, jeez, don't hit me! Wake up!"_

* * *

"Get away from me!" I scream at him.

Jace scrambles off the bed, his hands up in surrender, golden eyes wide. There's no malice in them now, and I'm confused, so confused, at his reaction to me. How can he look so innocent and surprised? He tried to…He tried to…

He furrows his brow. "Are you okay?"

I'm breathing hard, and suddenly I realize that I'm not naked anymore. Somehow…Somehow…How did he manage to redress me?

"Don't touch me," I spit my words at him, my hands stretched towards him still, to fend him off, somehow…

"You were crying in your sleep…And then you started screaming…"

_My sleep_? I glance around me. I'm still in the bed, but I'm beneath the covers, fully clothed. Jace is fully clothed, but he's in the weird pants and the t-shirt instead of the regulation uniform I was sure he'd been in only minutes ago. The room is dark, though I was sure all the lights had been on seconds ago…I lift my hand to my cheeks, and sure enough, they're wet. "I…"

"You must have been having a bad dream," Jace says, still staring at me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. "A really bad one."

I draw my legs up to my chest and rest my chin on my knees in way of response.

Jace's golden eyes narrow suddenly. "Those bastards gave you a bad dream, didn't they? About me?"

I stare at him incredulously. There are cameras and microphones everywhere. They could hear him…I'm pretty sure calling the Physicians and Officials bastards is against the law, somehow…I nod anyway. If he wants to call them bastards, he'll be punished. Not me.

Jace makes a noise of irritation and sits in a small chair near the dresser. "What was it about? What happened?"

I turn my head away from him, images of him immobilizing me flashing through my mind, making my chest heave with panic.

"I see," he says in a low voice, and he does see. Too well.

I'm mortified. Neither he nor I had any control over the dream, and yet, it's affecting the both of us. I don't know when I'll be able to let him touch me, much less…much less…sleep with me. I look at him, and all I see are his hands covering my mouth, or pinning me helplessly to the bed, like a butterfly. And if I can't let him touch me, how the hell are we supposed to complete our assignments? How are we supposed to be the Lead Couple?

"It's a good thing the first assignment doesn't involve touching each other in the slightest," Jace says, as if reading my mind. "All we have to do is ask each other questions. Isn't that cute?"

I finally lift my head to look at him, my eyebrows raised. "Cute?"

"Cute," he repeats, standing up out of the chair and stretching with a yawn. "We get to play 'Get to Know Me.'"

"Is that a game?"

"No," he replies with a smirk. "It's just a paper with a bunch of questions on it that we have to ask each other. Get to know each other."

He pads over to another dresser, closer to the bed this time, and my heart involuntarily begins to beat faster. He seems to notice this and his expression softens almost imperceptibly. "Look," he says. "I don't know exactly what happened in your nightmare, but I can take a good guess. Just know that I will never force you to do something you don't want to, and I will never hurt you on purpose. I know some guys that would, but…I'm not one of those guys."

I sit up straight as he opens one of the drawers and pulls out a blue button up. "There are guys who would…force themselves…on a girl?"

Jace presses his lips together and nods. "In our Unit, the boys are taught to accomplish their Task by any means necessary, even if that means…well. You understand. They're told that the more children you bear, the better choice of an occupation you'll have after Isolation."

My eyes are wide.

Jace pulls the button up on over his white shirt and begins to button it up. "Not all of them would do that, mind you. Out of the fifteen of us that were left, maybe two or three of the guys would actually…try that. Most were horrified by the idea."

I'm horrified for the poor girls to be Coupled with those boys…

Jace steps out of his pants and I bolt out of bed, racing to the other side of the room pressing against the wall. He freezes and looks at me, a pair of black pants in his hand.

I let out my breath. "I'm so sorry," I say, shivering. "I'm so, so sorry. I don't know—"

"It's okay," he says, pulling his pants on quickly. He pulls a pair of socks out of another drawer and separates them. "You don't have to touch me at all today. You have a whole day to try and erase the dream from your memory."

I blink at him.

He slips his feet into his shoes. "Your reaction is perfectly normal, Clary," he says, more softly than I thought he could have. "I think, though, since it was only a dream, that the effects of your fear will be gone within a few hours. Maybe once you get more comfortable with your surroundings."

I swallow and nod, moving over to the dresser I'm assuming to be mine.

"Kind of like a deer that's been shot at but not hit," Jace adds, half to himself.

I pause my rummaging through the top drawer. "A deer? What's a deer?"

He smirks and pulls his blazer on, the gold insignia over his breast catching the tiny bit of light in the room that's filtering in from the hallway. "It's an animal. People kill them for food, sometimes."

"An animal?"

"I'm telling you," he says, moving toward the door, no doubt to give me some privacy. "You know absolutely nothing."

I pull a skirt and blouse from the drawer and furrow my brow. "Are the boys taught more than we are?"

"No." Jace grins, stepping into the hallway. "I just know everything the Clave doesn't want me to know."

* * *

The spread on the square table in the small dining room is just as lavish and wonderful looking as the spread we've been receiving in my Unit over the past couple of weeks, and I can't help but feel relieved that they haven't restricted us to some sort of weird diet because of the fact that we're in a sort of Isolation now. Jace has already begun to eat by the time I sit down across from him, his plate piled with more food than I would have thought anyone could ever eat.

I can't help but stare.

"What?" he asks, finally noticing me.

"How can you eat so much food?" I wonder, fighting the urge to grab my own plate and find another room to sit and eat in.

But that won't solve anything, so I take a deep breath and sit at the table. Once I overcome my initial wave of fear and revulsion, it gets a bit easier for me to be in the same room as him.

He sets his fork down delicately. "I'm a teenage boy," he says, as if that should explain everything.

I raise my eyebrows. "So?"

"…So I have a high metabolism."

"What's a metabolism?"

Jace makes a noise of exasperation and tears a piece of toast in half. "Have you ever wondered where all your food goes after you eat it?" he asks slowly.

"I know where food goes after you eat it," I reply. "And don't talk down to me. And stop acting like I don't know anything."

"You _don't _know anything," he says, raising an eyebrow.

I open my mouth to retort, but he cuts me off.

"That's not the point." He swallows and narrows his eyes a little, as if he's thinking hard about something. "Your food doesn't just go in one way and out the other. Food is energy. Your body takes it and breaks it away, trying to absorb it, and trying to get rid of the bits it doesn't need. Your metabolism is how fast your body can do these things. People with a high metabolism are able to break it down and get rid of it faster, and thus they stay thinner. People with a slow metabolism take much longer, and they tend to gain weight. Get it?"

I nod slowly. "I think so…"

"Teenage boys, like me, tend to have a very high metabolism. Basically, we can eat anything we want, as much as we want, and not get any fatter."

I'm instantly jealous. I've always been thin, but our meals are highly regulated. Even when we had that beautiful feast in my Unit, our plates come pre-portioned. I've never put food on my plate, it's always just been there. Just like it is now. And I have far less food than Jace does.

I bite into a potato bitterly, and Jace laughs.

He holds up a sheet of computer paper. "How about we just get today's assignment done right now, and then…You can do whatever, I guess. I don't know what we're supposed to do in here. I haven't explored the whole apartment yet, but there's probably a room for exercising or something like that."

I nod, stuffing another potato into my mouth.

"Alright," he says, smoothing out the sheet of paper over the table. "First question: Favorite color."

I purse my lips and swallow the potato. "Ummm…Green."

Jace snorts. "Figures."

I grimace. "What's _your _favorite color?"

"Black," he says with a grin. "Black is the best color known to mankind."

I raise my eyebrows. "Black isn't a color."

"Perhaps," he admits. "But, black is also all of the colors combined. Black occurs when an object absorbs all the colors of white light."

"What?"

"Next question," Jace says, looking back down at the paper. He twirls his fork around absentmindedly. "Favorite drink?"

"Orange juice," I say immediately, and Jace cracks a smile.

"That would explain why you have none left." He leans back in his chair. "Mine is whiskey."

"Whiskers?" I ask doubtfully.

Jace actually laughs this time. It isn't jeering or bitter, and I'm surprised at how much I genuinely like his laugh, and the way he tips his head back as if we were about to talk to the ceiling. "No…_Whiskey_. It's…It's a special, dangerous kind of drink that's illegal here."

"Then how have you ever had it before?"

Jace wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. "Secrets, secrets."

"You're a conundrum," I say, not caring how bitter my voice sounds.

"I know," he replies, grinning from ear to ear.

_He's a handful_. The Physician's words bounce around in my brain, reminding me of everything he said about Jace.

_You didn't tell me he knew things that no one on earth seems to know, though, _I think, picking at the bacon on my plate. How? How does he know all of these…useless bits of information? It's not taught in our school, and from what he tells me, it's not taught in his either, so…How?

"Do you not _have _a reproduction goal?" Jace's voice breaks into my thoughts.

I choke on the bacon. "A _what_?!"

"A reproduction goal," he says matter-of-factly. "You know. How many children do you want to bear?"

I'm sure my eyes are as big as these pancakes. "Um…I never thought of that. But, in 17 years, I could probably have about 17 children. Maybe 18 or 19."

Jace whistles. "Shoot for the moon, my friend. If you miss, you'll land among the stars," he mutters.

I throw my napkin on the table. "That's it."

He looks up in surprise. "What?"

"I'm sick of you going on, talking about all this stuff I've never even heard of, like you've lived a completely different life than I have." The words come pouring out of my mouth. "I mean, I haven't even known you for a whole day, and already, you're making me feel inferior to you. I know for a fact that we live almost the exact same life. The only difference is your education is from a male's point of view. You may get more food and more exercise, but those are trivial. You act like you aren't a part of all this, but you _are_."

Jace's face smooths over immediately, as if someone took a brush and wiped the expression off his face. He watches me carefully, reading me—for what, I don't know. I don't know what kind of a game he's playing, but…I don't like it.

Jace picks his fork back up. "You're right," he says. "I am a part of this. Let's just focus on finishing our seventeen years of isolation and reproduction."

"I didn't mean—"

"No," he says, looking up at me. His eyes are predatory, more hostile than I thought they'd be. Almost like in my dream… "You're right. We're here to do a job. Not to enjoy life, at all. That's what we need to focus on."

I shiver. "What…Why are you so angry?"

Jace raises an eyebrow. "I'm not angry. I'm far from angry. You don't want to see angry."

"Then why are you so hot and cold?"

I can see him fight it, but a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips. "I'm a human being. Just a regular, normal human being. I've had a few different experiences than you have, all right? Maybe, in time, I'll tell you what some of them are, but right now…Walls have ears, and corners have eyes, and I don't quite trust you yet. Got it?"

Hesitantly, I nod.

* * *

**_Bahahaha. I love this. I'm so ready for the TV show to come out already, you guys. _**

**_I'm also ready for summer to be over, to be completely honest, but I still have like 9 or 10 more weeks. Keep in mind, I've already had ten weeks of summer._**

**_Reader Questions of the Week: What was your favorite line?_**

**_What are your plans for the summer?_**

**_FUN FACT: Ok, so, I don't know how many of you watch The Fosters, but Kat McNamara is on a couple of episodes, and in those episodes, she goes to a summer arts camp called Idyllwild...Well...I am very proud to say that IDYLLWILD IS A REAL PLACE AND THIS SUMMER WILL BE MY FIFTH YEAR IN ATTENDANCE. I got really excited when they were talking about how awesome it is :D Ok. Selfish rant over. See you guys next week!_**


	6. Chapter 6

**_This is a filler chapter, I know. I'm trying to figure out what's going to happen next in the plot, but I wanted to give you guys a little something, at least. You know, since it's been two months._**

* * *

I'm bored out of my mind and I don't know what to do about it.

For my entire life, every single day has been mapped out and scheduled for me. I've rarely, if ever, had free time. And when those precious moments of uncharted territory came around, I had about eighteen other girls to share the moments with. So we would create games to play with each other, or we'd giggle about how Madame's skirt might have accidentally hitched up a little too high and we saw her legs…we'd entertain each other. I've never truly been by myself. Ever.

Jace took off after we finished going through our assignment and disappeared into a hallway I haven't bothered to explore yet. That was an hour ago, and he hasn't emerged yet. I have the distinct feeling he'll come out for lunch, which isn't for another hour and a half. So much time, so little to do.

I bite my lip and shift on the leather couch I collapsed into after breakfast. Jace withdrew into himself after my little…outburst…and for the rest of the assignment, he gave the most basic answers he could. Very careful to leave out extra little bits of information, I couldn't help but notice, and I began to regret saying anything. I mean, I have to spend seventeen years with this guy. I can't live the next life exchanging one word answers with him. I'll go insane.

I don't even know if his answers were real answers. He was too busy eating, too focused on his food. His answers were so short and quick, I can't help but think that maybe he made a lot of them up, just to get through the assignment quickly and bar me from getting to really know him. Which irks me.

With a sigh, I roll myself off the couch and scramble up from the paneled floor, determined to go find him in that mysterious hallway and set things right. For my sake. The prospect of spending the next seventeen years reproducing with him all the while the only conversations we have are cold and simple is more repulsive to me than overcoming my pride and stubbornness. If I have to say sorry to change this, I will.

I slip my feet back into the clicky-clacks and set off down the hallway, which lights up as soon as I pass the threshold. It's a small hallway—smaller than I thought it was. It has three rooms. One on the right, one on the left, and one at the end. The door on the right reads _Recreation. _The one on the left reads _Isolation. _The one at the end of the hallway reads _Exercise._

I'm going to take a random guess that he's in the one at the end of the hallway, but my curiosity overcomes any small amount of urgency that I have, and instead of walking to the far door, I press my hand to the outside panel of the door that reads _Recreation_. The door slides open with a soft hiss, and the panels in the room light up as I cross over. The door shuts behind me and I'm left to gape at the deceptively large room in front of me.

In the far right corner of the room, there is a sort of rectangle that looks like it's filled with water…almost like a bathtub, but at least five times bigger than the bathtub in our bedroom. There's some kind of virtual reality simulation room—a small glass box, really—in the closest left corner, and the rest of the vast room is completely empty. I bite my lip and venture farther into the room. I take about three steps before a panel appears in front of me.

"_Welcome to your Isolation Recreation Room. Please fill out your recreation request form so we can fulfill your recreational desires. You will notice that we have over300 recreational options. Please review all of them before you choose your ten activities for the month."_

Maybe I shouldn't start pressing buttons without Jace. I grimace. He probably knows what all these activities are anyway…Tennis? What's tennis? Swimming? What the hell is a board game?

I swipe the 'cancel' button on the panel and leave the room quickly, not glancing back, and not paying attention as the door slides shut behind me. I try the door on the left, the one that reads _Isolation_, but the panel flashes red and reads _ACCESS DENIED._

On second thought, I'm not sure I want to know what's behind that door.

The door that I'm sure Jace is behind is last, and when I enter it, the first thing that hits me is the sound of pounding feet. I look to the corner of the room, and in the mess of the equipment—90% of which I can't even name—I see Jace sprinting on a treadmill. His gold hair is wet and plastered to his forehead and the back of his neck. His gaze is locked onto the panel in front of him, a towel around his neck. But what strikes me as the most odd is the amount of clothing he's wearing—or, rather, isn't. I don't think I've ever seen so much skin on a boy. Well, I mean, technically I've never seen a boy that wasn't a textbook diagram, but the point still stands. I've never seen anyone wear so little clothing.

He's wearing a shirt that has straps but no sleeves and his pants are cut off at his knees. He's wearing socks, but you can barely see them, and his shoes look soft and cushiony—not at all like the stiff leather shoes I've seen him wear for the past couple of days.

He looks marvelous.

And I can't believe that thought just went through my head.

I make my way through the mess of equipment until I reach Jace and his treadmill, until I'm close enough to see the beads of sweat trailing down his cheek and the way the tips of his ears have turned red. "Jace," I say, hesitantly.

"Give me thirty more seconds," he gasps.

I snap my mouth shut and step back, trying not to stare at him too hard as he runs.

Thirty eternities later, he presses a button and jumps onto the sides of the treadmill as the belt slows itself down. "If I wake up with a Charlie horse," he says, swallowing as he catches his breath. "I'm blaming you."

I frown. "A what?"

Jace shakes his head and wipes the sweat off his face with the towel. "Never mind. A muscle cramp. A rather painful muscle cramp."

He steps off the treadmill and comes to stand in front of me. "What is so important that you couldn't wait until lunch?"

I narrow my eyes. "I was going to apologize, but fine, it can wait another hour."

He puts his hand on my shoulder and stops me from pivoting on my heel and marching out the door. "Sorry. We can go into the main room, if you want."

I nod, and we leave the Exercise room, heading down the hallway to the main room. Jace grabs a blanket and wraps it around himself before he sits down on one of the couches. I sit on the other one.

"Do you want some water or something?" I ask him, eyeing the sweat on his temple.

He shakes his head. "I'm fine. I'll get some later."

"Right. Well." I wrap my arms around myself and lean back into the couch. "I just wanted to say sorry for snapping earlier. I didn't…It was just frustrating because you seem to know so much more than I do…About things I didn't even know exist and it was almost like you were speaking a different language."

I look up to see a smile tugging at the corner of Jace's lips.

"I can't spend the next seventeen years barely talking to you. I'll go insane," I finish. "I spent an hour being bored on this couch by myself. That was my motivation to…find you."

"I accept your apology," Jace says, swinging the towel around in his hand. "But I still don't trust you. I can't tell you why I know these things, or how I know these things."

I nod reluctantly. "Got it."

His expression softens. "But I…I suppose I could still talk about the things I know. After all, pretty soon we're going to have to—"

I hold up a hand, quickly. "I know what we're going to have to do. You don't need to remind me."

Jace grins.


	7. Chapter 7

_***clears throat* Hello.**_

* * *

Jace and I both frown at the small slip of parchment I hold pinched between my thumb and my index finger. It only says one word, but…it's a pretty important word.

"I would have thought they'd let us do it more organically."

"Apparently not," I reply, setting the slip down on the dining room table, very carefully, as if it might bite me. It might bite me, actually. It says—

"So…we have to kiss."

I roll my eyes and step away from Jace. "Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"You're welcome," Jace says coolly, his gaze still resting on me. "You don't need to be so hostile about it. You knew it had to come eventually."

I bite my lip and lean against the table, trying to ignore the way my heart flutters wildly around in my chest. I've been _wanting_ to kiss him for the past three days. That's the problem. I _want _to kiss him. There's some weird, animalistic, carnal desire that's been pouring through my veins in the past few days, a desire to wrap my arms around his neck like a vice and crush my lips to his. Perhaps the only reason it hasn't happened organically yet, the only reason they had to send a piece of paper actually _telling_ us to kiss, is because…well, because I've been avoiding Jace. So really, it's my fault.

It's just…this feeling…I don't know if it's natural, or if it's the beginning of _love_. And I can't tell if it's my desire to melt into him or my worry that's making me sick to my stomach. Either way, kissing him can't possibly be what I need to do right now.

"Clary?"

I blink my thoughts out of my eyes and look up to find Jace dangerously close to me. I can feel his body heat pouring over my skin. My eyes flutter shut and suddenly I'm hyperaware of him. His fingers brush over my chin, making my nerves spark. My skin heats and my palms get clammy. He smells like soap and water and…dirt?

I snap out of the fog that my brain has somehow enveloped itself in and push him away from me. He stumbles back, blinking in surprise. I can't blame him.

"What the hell, Clary?"

"I—" My heart is beating in panic. "I think I'm sick. I need to see a Physician."

Jace's expression changed from bewilderment and anger to concern. "Are you—What are your symptoms? What kind of Physician do you need to see?"

My brain clamors to identify my symptoms. Does a quick heartbeat count? How about the wild desire to kiss someone? Clammy palms? An ache in your chest whenever someone leaves the room?

"Ummm," I stammer, "A reproductive one?"

Jace frowns. "I…You go lay down. I'll call a Physician."

* * *

"All right, Clarissa. Are you fully disrobed?"

I nod and squirm a bit uncomfortably underneath my sheets. It's the same Physician I had in my exam, so my guess is that he's my personal Physician, probably for the rest of my life. Or, at least for the rest of my reproductive life. Either way, I'll be seeing a lot more of him. _Relax, _I repeat in my head. _Just relax. Nothing you can say will surprise him._

He pulls some latex gloves on and folds his hands in his lap. "All right. What are your symptoms?"

"Um," I say, squirming again. "It's Jace."

The Physician frowns. "Are you afraid of him? I can assure you that you are both guarded and monitored with the highest security in the Division, so you have nothing to fear."

"No…" I play with my fingers. "That's the problem, actually. I just…every time I see him…I want to kiss him."

A small smile quickly turns into a large grin on the Physician's face and he chuckles. He actually _chuckles. _"My darling," he says, pulling his gloves off and discarding them in the small waste bin next to his chair. "That's perfectly normal."

I can't help but flush with embarrassment. "So I'm not…I'm not—"

"No," he says, smiling. "You are not falling in love. Wanting to kiss someone or have physical interaction, though it can be a symptom or a side effect of love, is not enough to indicate that you are falling in love with someone. Do you remember your school unit on hormones?"

Er…no.

"Only a little bit," I say, somewhat sheepishly.

"Well," the Physician says, not seeming at all mad that it's obvious that I didn't pay attention in class. "Hormones are what attract us to one another, essentially. You see something that your brain likes and in turn, your body responds. Your brain sends hormones into your blood stream and that's what makes you want to kiss Jace. That's what makes you flush. That's what makes your hands go clammy. That's why your body responds the way it does."

"So…"

"So go ahead and kiss him," the Physician says. "It's perfectly normal and even encouraged. We were actually beginning to worry that you didn't _want _to kiss him."

"What would you have done?" I ask curiously.

He smiles. "We simply would have given you a few hormone supplements to get you going and then taken them out of your diet once you managed to be attracted to him on your own. You have nothing to worry about, though, darling. You're actually ahead of schedule."

* * *

Jace is sitting on the couch fiddling with a towel when I reemerge from our bedroom, redressed and much calmer than before. This is normal. All these feelings and symptoms of—of…Well. They're normal. I don't need to freak out. I'm perfectly normal. We're actually ahead of schedule.

He stands up when I enter the room, dropping the towel. I walk over to him, hyperaware of his gaze the entire time.

This is normal.

"Everything okay?" he asks, real concern lacing his voice.

I nod. "Everything's fine. I was freaking out over nothing." I laugh a little. "The Physician says we're actually ahead of schedule."

Jace grins. "Really? That's good."

I nod. "It is."

I wrap my arms around his neck. He smiles down at me, his golden eyes melting my chest and stomach into something liquid and hot. This is normal. I can't help but notice that he has really long eyelashes. They're so long that they almost refract the light of the room. His nose is shapely and his lips…

Before I lose my nerve, I stand on my tiptoes and pull him down to my level. We pause in that way, for a moment, only a moment, before I shatter that moment, close the gap, and press my lips to his.

It's wonderful. It's a wonderful feeling. Oh god—

He sucks in a breath and wraps his arms around my waist, yanking me against his body and kissing me deeper, harder, so hard that I feel my mouth give way to his. He's warm and it's like I can feel all his frustration—at what, I don't know—pouring into me through the kiss.

No wonder they kept this from us for so long.

I can't imagine what life would be like if we were allowed to kiss whomever we wanted whenever we wanted. I don't think any of us would do anything else.

I pull away from him first, my heart beating more erratically than I thought it could have. "Wow," I breathe.

Jace starts laughing. "Wow, indeed."

I look up at him, flushing again. "I just…that was…cool."

Jace bursts into laughter again. "'Cool' is not the word I would have chosen. But yes. It was very…_cool._"

I frown. "All right. What word would _you _have chosen, smartass?"

"I wouldn't have chosen a word," he says, leaning down to brush his lips across mine again. My stomach knots up. "I would have been silent." He kisses the corner of my mouth.

This is normal.

"And I would have kissed you again."

He hasn't kissed me in…three hours, two minutes and twenty four seconds. But it's not like I'm counting or anything. Just kidding.

I pace by the door of the gym again, waiting for him to come out so I can pounce again. We received a note a few minutes after that first kiss (which interrupted another kiss, I might add) about being careful and not going too far beyond kissing because the time simply wasn't right yet.

But there was no harm in kissing him some more, right?

Of course not. This is normal. It's normal for me to want to do nothing all day except kiss him.

This is totally normal.

* * *

_**It's short, but something big happens next and the chapter would have been like 3,000 words, which is a bit too much. Also. Quick authors' note.**_

_**I just want you all to know that this is not what real love looks like. Just like porn is not what sex realistically looks like, romance novels and fanfiction is not what real love looks like. Real love is when the guy you like sheepishly admits to you that it's really hard for him to ask a girl to the movies. It's when he offers you his hand and you accidentally take his arm because you get confused and he's okay with that. It's when he texts you and asks you how your exams are going. It's not always big and passionate and romantic. Sometimes it's just the little things. **_

_**Also, I'm free to talk if you guys ever want to chat about romance or whatever. My tumblr is effervescentethereality (I know, it's a mouthful). That's, in two words, effervescent ethereality. Just come by and chat. I'm on there more than here, because this takes a lot more time. I love you all. You'll get a new chapter on Christmas Eve :) Don't forget to review!**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Hi! I know it's technically Christmas. I'm really sorry. My afternoon and evening on Christmas Eve kind of got away from me, and my family ended up doing more than I expected and planned for. But here you go! I hope you have a Merry Christmas!**_

* * *

_A hand over my mouth. Suffocating. Kicking. Trying to scream. Throat is raw. Being dragged across the floor. And yet…I can see everything around me. I can see him. He's across the room, lying on the floor, unconscious, blood the color of deep scarlet pooling around him._

_They shot his shoulder and missed his heart._

_It's funny. I always thought blood would be bright red. But it's not. It's crimson._

_I should be glad. I should be glad that they're killing me and not him. That he's escaped this. But I am selfish. I do not want to die. I do not want to be separated from this boy. I am so, so selfish._

_Maybe dying would be better. Better than being locked up in a dark prison cell for the rest of my life, separated from him. At least in death I can find escape. There is no escape for him. Maybe one day he'll forget about me. Maybe one day he'll move on. Maybe they're release him, and he can be Coupled like he should have been in the first place. Safe from me (and all the destruction I bring) at last._

_I rather doubt it._

_I have to live._

_I have to get back to him._

_I am selfish._

_I scream and kick and punch, but they have a tight grip on me, these White Guards. The elevator doors open up and I can hear a loud roar, like someone very large sucking in air through a thin straw. My eyes are wide open and I see the giant, black hole through the doors of the elevator, the wind whipping my hair around my face._

_They're going to drop me down the hole._

_They have dragged me to the edge and are now attaching me to a large, claw-looking contraption. The claw tightens around my body and picks me up, holding my thrashing, squirming body over the giant hole. I can't see the bottom. I feel only terror, only a horrific, cold fear streaming through my veins._

_I look up at the boy, whose golden eyes are staring at me now, wide and desperate. His mouth is forming a word over and over again—my name, I think. I stop fighting the claw. "Jace!" I manage to scream._

_And then I'm plunging into the darkness._

* * *

Jace and I spent the night together.

I suppose that doesn't make much sense, since we've been sleeping in the same bed for weeks now, so allow me to explain.

Right now, our clock tells me that it is 7:38 am. And we are in bed together, as usual. Except, this time, my head is resting on his chest, his arms are wrapped around me, and my free hand sets atop his stomach. It's a wonderful feeling, to have a…friend. Because that's what we are, isn't it? We're friends now. And that's all anyone in this world can hope to be. We all have reproduction partners, but for your partner to become your friend…that's something special.

Thank goodness.

* * *

"Already?" I can't help but blurt out.

Madame Celine looks at me with a frown. "Remember your manners, Clarissa."

Jace bites his lip. "I think she just means that it seems…a little soon."

"You've been here for over a month. This session has been scheduled for decades. You're right on schedule, I assure you," Madame continues.

"But…I mean, we don't exactly have all the answers," I say. "I don't know how much advice we can give them."

"You will simply be honest with them," Madame assures us, smiling. "Don't worry, they've been told which subjects are off limits and which ones you simply have no experience in yet. But remember, they haven't even been Coupled yet. Most of their questions are going to center around how much you two like each other."

Jace and I can't help but glance at each other, apprehension in his eyes, and undoubtedly in mine.

"Trust me," Madame urges. "We've been doing this for hundreds of years. You'll be perfectly fine."

* * *

I've never sat before my peers like this. 17 pairs of curious, wondering eyes stare at Jace and I from their seats in the small lecture hall. I feel silly sitting behind this desk, behind a microphone, as if I were even somewhat important. Somehow above them. Somehow holding authority over them. Not really, though. Really, Jace and I are just the guinea pigs. We forge through new territory and report back to them to let them know how safe or scary the path ahead is.

But, I mean, what if their experiences are totally different from ours? It is entirely possible that at least a few of them will be Coupled with someone whose personality doesn't particularly complement their own. They could end up hating their partner, and then what? Jace and I are friends. We'll probably speak to them on the importance of friendship within a partnership, blah blah blah. But it won't matter if they end up hating their partner. They'll be forced to deal with an affectionless, barely tolerated partnership.

I don't think Jace or I can really help them with that. Advise them on that. Do they really expect us to be responsible for this?

"Clary."

I blink and look at Jace, who looks as if he's been trying to get my attention for the past five minutes. "Huh?"

He raises an eyebrow. "Where were you?"

I point to my temple. "In here, somewhere. Kinda freaking out. How the hell do they expect us to be a peer mentor to these people? I mean, these girls have known me their whole lives, and vice versa."

Jace purses his lips. "I've been kind of thinking the same thing."

I sigh and pass a hand over my face.

"Hey," he says. "Were you having a nightmare last night?"

I frown. "I…I don't think so. I don't know. I don't remember my dream last night."

"Oh."

"Why?"

Jace waves a hand dismissively. "Nothing. It's just you were tossing and turning for a couple minutes there, and then you went rigid, like you were falling, and you screamed my name. But if you don't remember it, it's obviously not that big of a deal."

Calling Jace's name? Didn't I do that a few months ago? Didn't Izzy wake me up one morning and ask me who Jace was? I'd completely forgotten about that until now. At the time, I hadn't met Jace, so what was I doing screaming his name? And why have I had the same nightmare twice in a row, and not remembered it?

The sound of static derails my train of thought.

"Good afternoon, darlings," Madame Celine coos into the microphone. "You all know why we're here. Now is your chance to ask our beloved Clary and her partner any questions you have about the upcoming weeks. Thank you so much for all your cooperation during your Tests. Your results will be out very shortly, and exactly ten days from now, you will all stand before the Ultimate One and be Coupled."

The girls in the room shift nervously in their seats and clap. I can sense their excitement and eagerness, but I also sense their apprehension. Their mild fear. Being Coupled feels like a lottery. Even though so much science and planning goes into it, at the end of the day, it really depends on the chemistry between the two partners.

"I think that's a question for Clary, actually. I can't help you much, there," Jace says, turning to me.

I blink. Dammit. Maureen is standing at her seat, looking at me expectantly. "I'm so sorry," I say. "I kinda spaced out. Can you repeat the question for me?"

Maureen looks slightly aggravated. She never really liked me, but she repeats herself anyway. "When you met Jace, did you feel instantly attracted to him? Or did it take time?"

I bite my lip. "Um. Well. I thought he was attractive, as a human being, but I can't say that I was personally attracted to him. He was kind of annoying."

"So were you," Jace retorts.

The girls all giggle a little.

Great.

* * *

Throughout the meeting, the girls all get up to the mic and ask questions—some of which are understandable and good questions. Others of which, I suspect the only reason they even asked a question in a first place was so they could listen to themselves talk.

Questions like "Is kissing actually enjoyable, or is that a lie? Because kissing seems kind of weird to me…" and "What do you mainly fight about?" were pretty good questions. But we also had questions like "Do you ever feel like you want to have sex with him?" and "Would you be demonstrating how to kiss for us?"

Which we did.

Because Madame Celine thought it was a great idea.

It wasn't. It was mortifying, and all the girls started giggling.

* * *

I lay my head on the dining room table once we take refuge in our apartment. "That was awful," I moan.

"It wasn't all awful," Jace says, laughing. "We got some good advice out there."

"The kiss was awful."

"No kiss is awful if it's with me." A smirk spreads across his lips.

I wave my hand tiredly at him. "It is if it's in front of a bunch of people."

Jace just laughs.

I'm about to suggest a shower for myself, when our door opens, making us both jump. Especially when we see who walks into our apartment.

I leap out of my chair and stand up as straight as I can.

"Exalted Evening, Ultimate One."

* * *

_**Merry Christmas!**_


	9. Chapter 9

I've never seen him in real life before. Always on a video screen. Always flanked by hundreds of guards (and what are they guarding him from? It seems a little extraneous to me…). His face is always obscured. His voice is always warped. But he always wears the same exact uniform, and I know it's him the moment he strolls into our apartment.

Strolls.

The Ultimate One _strolls_.

"Good evening, children."

A shiver runs down my spine. The warped version of his voice always terrified me as a child, but somehow this…this mellifluous, smooth melody of a voice terrifies me even more, for reasons I can't explain.

"Clarissa. You may stand straight. You have no need to bow."

Shaking, I straighten up.

"You as well, Jonathan."

Jace goes rigid, the muscle in his jaw tightening.

I really look at The Ultimate One. He is tall, strong, slender. His hands look gentle, but his fingers twitch a little. Not in a nervous way, but almost as if they were…ready. For what, I've no idea. He wears a pressed black suit with the New Global Empire's insignia on the left breast pocket. His hair is almost blindingly white—a stark contrast to his black eyes and snarky mouth.

"You are perhaps, wondering why I am here," he says, beginning to pace across the room, lazily. "You are right to wonder. This is quite an unusual visit, I assure you, and I don't anticipate it happening again."

He stops to stand still in front of us. "There has been a bit of a problem with your…DNA matchup."

I say nothing, but I blink. A problem? With our DNA matchup? How can there be a problem with that? And how can The Ultimate One think that a problem so trivial deserved an in person visit to the two of us?

He begins to pace again. "We do not anticipate this problem being something to truly worry about. We think there is a simple flaw in the program and we are running tests immediately to confirm this…flawed idea. I assure you that whoever tampered with the programs will be sought out and punished accordingly. But as of the moment, we ask you to please abstain from all physical activities that involve touching each other."

I glance at Jace, whose face mirrors my own confusion. "Why?" he asks.

The Ultimate One pauses a moment before answering. "There is a possibility that you are brother and sister."

I blink, completely taken aback. How can that possibly happen? Not only do the programs run DNA checks to make sure that we share nothing but extremely, _extremely _distant ancestors, but Physicians and Lab Technicians check over host mothers personally before assigning Couples to each other.

"Let me restate that the likelihood of this is infinitesimal, and it is likely an error in the program. However, because of the small chance, your schedule will be…delayed. We don't want any chance of defect in your offspring, and if the program is right, then you will of course be re-matched immediately."

The Ultimate One searches each of our faces for…for what, I don't know. Similarity? Jace and I look nothing alike. It's actually remarkable how different we look. Perhaps he searches for shock…for a hint of anger. I doubt he'll find anything.

He nods at both of us and moves to take his leave. "I will personally deliver the results to you within 24 hours."

* * *

Valentine passes his hands over his face as the apartment door shuts behind him.

"How on earth could you have been so careless, Valentine?"

Valentine jerks his head up, his expression immediately stormy. A small, slender woman, nearly identical to the girl in the apartment behind him, leans against the wall, her arms crossed. She stares balefully at him. "It's not my fault, Jocelyn."

"Why didn't you tell them what the real error was? Why the hell would you tell them they're brother and sister?"

Valentine begins to move down the hall, Jocelyn quickly catching up with them. "Because the real error is far more dangerous than that. If I told Clarissa that she may have ovarian cysts, she might tell others. Then the others would wonder why we don't eliminate her immediately."

"So tell them the truth," Jocelyn demands.

Valentine whirls on the small woman behind him, though she doesn't startle at all. "You want me to tell the entire empire that I put my own daughter, whose mother I've fallen in love with and am now living with, in the most advantageous position I could have? Despite the fact that every Physician has said that Kaelie should have been matched with Jace, and not Clarissa?"

"You're the Ultimate One, Valentine," Jocelyn says, more softly this time. "They'd accept anything you told them."

"And if they found out that Clarissa—the Ultimate One's own child—had an imperfection?"

Jocelyn is silent.

"They'd cease to believe that The Ultimate One was infallible. The country would fall apart."

Jocelyn purses her lips. "So you're saying that the entire fate of the country rests on the shoulders of my teenaged daughter?"

"Essentially, yes."

* * *

"I'm sure it's an error," Jace says. He collapsed onto the couch after The Ultimate One left and threw his arm dramatically over his eyes. "Nothing to worry about."

I frown at him. "We kissed."

"So?" He finally sits up, his golden eyes suddenly luminous. "There's nothing wrong with relations between siblings other than the fact that if they reproduce it can lead to a lot of birth defects. Inbreeding, I think it's called."

He's wrong. I don't know why, but I know he's wrong.

I fall back into the couch and close my eyes. "Well, it isn't like we were going to do anything anyway," I can't help but say. "We barely managed to kiss each other when we were assigned to."

"That was before we were friends."

His voice is much closer. I open my eyes and nearly scream. His eyes are right above mine and looking…at my lips?

Jace smiles predatorily and straddles my hips, letting his hands rest on either side of my waist. "Things that are forbidden are far more alluring than things that are allowed. Or assigned." He leans down and I feel his lips graze my cheek.

I want to let my eyes shut and let myself sigh and enjoy the moment (because, really, how could I not?), but instead I go rigid. "You know they're watching us, right?"

Jace frowns and sits up, still on top of me. "So?"

I push myself up ono my elbows and glare at him. "So you're disobeying direct orders from The Ultimate One. That's punishable by…elimination, I think."

"You're no fun," he replies, removing himself and going back to his own section of the couch. "Loosen up."

"I'm sorry," I snap, "I'd like to avoid losing my entire life on account of you."

Jace furrows brow. "That was hostile. What's up?"

I shake my head and bury my face in my hands. "It's nothing. It's just…"

"Just what?"

"I…" My throat tightens. This is weird. I hear myself speak as if from a distance, my mouth working of its own accord. "I like having you as my partner. I'm…I'm attracted to you."

Jace smirks. "I'm attracted to you as well."

I bite my lip and look away, feeling blood rush into my cheeks the way it does when I answer wrong in class and everyone looks at me.

"So shouldn't we make the most of our…attraction to each other?"

I look back at him, confused. There's an odd hunger in his eyes. "Make the most of it? We're already Coupled."

"That could change in the morning."

"So?" I can see his expression changing very quickly, but for whatever reason, I keep talking. "What, do you think we should have sex tonight?"

"No, of course not, but—"

"Then what's the point? If that's not your endgame, why does anything else matter?"

Jace's expression shuts down and becomes blank. "Forget it. It doesn't. You're right." He stands up and walks back into our room, his back straight, his arms tight.

"I'm honestly asking!" I call after him, but he doesn't seem to hear me.

He slams the door shut and I hear the shower begin to run.

What the hell?

_**It's not much, I know, but I'm just so happy you guys like this story so much. Also, I started a new blog. I apologize to those of you who followed the other one. My less wholesome sister decided to use it for her own purposes. I have deleted it. But I started a booklr/studyblr called eloquenceandcoffee so follow it! **_

_**Next chapter will likely come later in the month!**_

_**ALSO. I DO NOT ADVOCATE FOR INCEST. There is a lot more than just 'birth defects/inbreeding' that is wrong with incest. But they don't know that. They have no concept of family. So please. Don't take that part of this chapter the wrong way.**_


	10. Chapter 10

It's been hours.

Three hours and forty-five minutes, to be exact.

Jace hasn't come out of our bedroom since…what was that? Was that a fight?

I haven't fought with anyone since I was five years old. It seems like such a childish thing—something I should have grown out of years ago, and yet…

_Was _that a fight?

I thought he would have come back out after his shower, having…I don't know, calmed down a little bit, maybe. But after the water stopped running, I heard him shuffle around for a minute or two and then silence.

Maybe he fell asleep.

I roll myself off the couch with a heavy, reluctant sigh and pad over to our bedroom door. I press my ear to it. Absolute silence. Cursing under my breath, I press my hand to the panel and it slides open with a soft, rushing sound.

Jace is sprawled on the bed, covered by nothing but a towel. His eyes are closed, his face tilted toward the ceiling.

I feel some of my own irritation and anger dissolve as I walk toward the bed, the door sliding shut behind me. He looks so young, asleep. Admittedly, I suppose we _are _young, but Jace has this demeanor that makes him seem older than he truly is.

The towel still seems damp, but he's dried off completely. His golden hair curled around his cheeks as it dried, and so did his eyelashes, which seemed impossibly long. I find myself harboring a small amount of jealousy for his eyelashes. Why does he get to have long, curled eyelashes?

"I'm not asleep."

My hand freezes in mid-air, mere centimeters above his hair.

His golden eyes snap open and I snatch my hand back, my cheeks reddening immediately.

"I'm sorry," I say, my voice sounding small to my own ears.

He frowns. "For what?"

"I don't know," I say, "For snapping at you earlier."

He sits up, the towel falling down to his hips. It's all I can do not to stare with eyes the size of dinner plates.

"Don't be sorry," he says. "It was valid. I shouldn't have pressured you like that."

"But you—"

"I'm a teenage boy, Clary," he interrupts, his voice laced with amusement. "Don't take anything I say too seriously. Most of the time, I don't know what I'm saying."

I'm not sure what that means, but… "Ok."

There's a pause in the conversation. Jace picks at the edge of his towel, and a corner of it slips off his left leg, making me jump a little bit.

"Has there been any news?" he asks softly.

"In the last four hours?" I snort. "No. I wish."

Jace sighs and falls back onto the bed, grabbing my wrist and pulling me down next to him. "I'm sure it's fine. I'm sure it's just a clerical error. There's no way every single facet of the government screwed up putting us together."

"Right," I say. "I mean, the chances of siblings even being put in the same Unit is astronomically low. To be Coupled? It should be impossible…"

"Exactly."

When I don't respond, he pushes himself up on one elbow and leans over, his towel falling completely off. I squeeze my eyes shut.

"Shouldn't we practice or something?"

"You're naked," I squeak, keeping my eyes closed.

"So? You might as well get used to the view, right?"

"Unless we're actually brother and sister and therefore can't be Coupled."

"I thought we established that that was virtually impossible."

I make a noise of disgust and roll off the bed, moving over to the dresser and rummaging through the top drawer. Without opening my eyes, I chuck a pair of boxers at him. "Can you at least put those on?"

"Boxers…" Jace doesn't even attempt to disguise his contempt. "I wear briefs."

"Great," I say, placing my hands over my eyes in case I accidentally blink. "I don't care. I don't want to see you naked."

"_Everyone _wants to see me naked."

"Not me, thanks."

"Well, you—"

"_Geez _Jace, just _put the damn boxers on_!"

For a moment, I think I've done it, I've finally silenced him. But alas.

"You're cute when you're mad."

"I'm going to kill you."

"Ok, ok! I surrender. I put them on like three minutes ago while you were shouting, you can open your eyes now."

Cautiously, I peek through my fingers to find that not only has he put on boxers, but he's also put on pajama pants and a tshirt, and managed to fold his towel and place it neatly on a nearby chair.

I scoff. "You ass."

He turns so his backside is facing me and makes as if to inspect himself. "It is nice, isn't it? It's all yours, of course."

"You're impossible." I throw my hands up and leave the room, Jace following closely behind.

"Admit it. You think I'm charming."

"On the contrary," I say, walking briskly into the kitchen, "I find you annoying."

The message board on the counter flashes red, which means we have an incoming message. My heart is suddenly in my ears. _They got back to us._ I move to the board, typing in the password that gives us access to all our personal equipment and information. I wave my hand at Jace, effectively shutting him up.

_Finally_.

The official-looking form of a Physician appears on the screen. _Good evening. Tomorrow morning at 9 am, we request that Clarissa Fairchild be available for further medical Testing. Thank you. Rest well. Hail the Ultimate One._

The screen goes dark.

* * *

True to their word, when Jace and I exit our bedroom in the morning, a Physician's Assistant stands in our entryway, waiting, undeniably, for me. I take a deep breath and step forward, but am almost immediately pulled back when Jace grabs my wrist. I turn in confusion.

His face reddens almost imperceptibly. "Good luck. I'm sure you'll be fine."

"Uh…thanks," I stammer.

He nods and I leave the apartment with the Physician's assistant.

I haven't left the apartment since our demonstration, and the first thing that strikes me is how cool and crisp the air is. I shiver a little bit and cross my arms over my chest. The Assistant had told me not to bother dressing when I asked her, but I regret not taking a jacket. "Where are we going?"

"To your personal Physician," she says lightly. "Don't worry. We just need to run a few blood tests and an ultrasound."

"An _ultrasound_?"

The Assistant hesitates. "…Sometimes, we can determine genetics through organ structure." Her tone brightens. "If you become an Assistant or a Physician after your child-bearing years, you'll learn all about it."

Her hesitation makes me doubt.

Am I pregnant?

I scrap that idea as soon as I come up with it. I haven't had sex with anyone, not even Jace. I couldn't possibly be pregnant.

Still.

Why would I need an ultrasound if I wasn't pregnant?

We arrive at the honeycomb of labs, and enter after the Assistant has to type in her password three separate times. The Ultimate One recently announced an initiative to make every electronically operated door and machine in the entire Division accessible by fingerprint scan, but progress takes time.

When we enter, a small team of Physicians is waiting for me with a hospital gown, blue and papery, and orders to undress and change.

Once I've switched clothes, I pad down the hall, surrounded by Physicians, in my little white socks and paper robe, to a room that I assume they use exclusively for blood testing. My personal Physician motions for me to sit in the chair. I oblige, the other Physicians taking up spots by various machinery and equipment, preparing needles, washing tubes, unraveling bags.

"We have two things to do today, Clarissa," my Physician says, smiling at me. "First, we are going to take a pint of your blood so we can run various tests on it, and second we are going to give you an ultrasound. The blood, so we can determine whether or not you and Jonathan are siblings. The ultrasound is simply preemptive. We want you to know what it feels like before you actually become pregnant, so you have an idea of what you're in for."

My pounding heart eases, but only slightly. Jace and I have barely kissed, and they're already preparing me for pregnancy? It seems…soon.

But I nod and verbalize my assent.

My Physician swipes something cold and anti-septic smelling across my forearm. An Assistant hands him a needle attached to a clear plastic tube, which, after further inspection, I find is attached to a giant plastic bag. _Is there even that much blood in my whole body?_

"Have you eaten today?" My Physician asks.

I shake my head.

He purses his lips. "Hmmm. We'll just have to keep an eye on you, then, and feed you immediately after we finished."

"Am I…Am I likely to die?"

He laughs. "Die? No. But you may pass out for a while."

My eyes widen as he inserts the needle into my skin, and I wince a little at the sharp pain.

"There we go," he says, smiling. "Just lean back and relax."

I oblige, trying not to look at the now crimson tube winding into the plastic bag.

Within a few minutes, he pulls the needle out and begins cleaning everything up.

Trying to focus my blurring vision, I heave myself up off the chair—

* * *

When I open my eyes again, I'm still on the chair, though now I have an IV in my arm, and my ankles have been placed in stirrups and spread apart. I shift uncomfortably, suddenly aware of something smooth and cold moving inside of me, between my legs. I tense and my Physician pops his head up.

"Ah, you're awake. Word to the wise: Do not sit up so quickly if you have just had blood drawn and not previously eaten anything."

I frown. "What are you doing? I thought you were giving me an ultrasound."

The Physician's head disappears between my knees again, and I'm suddenly aware of his hand moving at the base of my thighs. I lean back and grit my teeth.

"Yes, child. A transvaginal ultrasound."

Ew.

"I thought ultrasounds for pregnancies were done over the stomach."

"Yes," comes the muffled reply. "But, we figured we would give you a routine gynecological check up, while we were here."

I grit my teeth. I feel violated. Something about them continuing with the examination without my knowledge, and without telling me…

"Is…Is everything okay?"

My Physician swiftly removes the device from inside of me, making me gasp in surprise. He turns the light off and pulls his mask down. "It appears so. You're perfectly healthy," he says, standing up and wiping the device with a towel.

He pushes the stirrups back together and offers me a hand, plucking the IV out of my wrist and wrapping a bandage around it. "You may change back to your clothes. My Assistant will escort you back to your apartment, and you may tell Jace with confidence that you are not related to him at all. I anticipate that your Coupling will proceed forward as normal."

I shift uncomfortably. "So everything's fine?"

"Everything's fine."

* * *

**_Words cannot express how much you guys mean to me! You are so patient, thank you so much! My schedule has been enormously busy. I just finished my sophomore year of college, and then I had training for work for like two or three days. I'm really hoping I can get on to a more regular updating schedule._**

**_Your support and your enthusiasm is incredibly appreciated! I read all of your reviews and they inspire me to keep writing this story, truly. I would not be continuing this without you guys. SO thank you, enormously, for all of that. Until next time!_**


	11. Chapter 11

_**Help. I just finished A Court of Mist and Fury.**_

* * *

Jace stands from the sofa he's clearly been waiting on as soon as I enter the apartment, his predatory eyes searching my own for answers. I bite my lip and wait until the door clicks shut behind me and I hear the Assistant's footsteps retreating in the distance.

"Well?" he asks, his fingers clenching.

I shake my head. "Nothing. They didn't find anything."

"Can you please be more vague?" he asks, following me to the kitchen. "Your extensive details are making the images in my head far too vivid."

I shoot him a glare and grab a banana from the fruit basket on the island. "We aren't brother and sister," I say, peeling the banana.

He grins, but it fades as he notices my scowl. "What's wrong? Isn't that a good thing?"

I purse my lips and shrug. "I guess."

Jace frowns. "You _guess_?"

"The—the…It's good. It really is, I'm happy that we're still Coupled and that nothing happened, but—"

"But if we weren't Coupled," he interrupts, "You wouldn't have to be part of the Lead Couple. You think I'm the stronger half. The half that determines who the girl in the Couple is."

It's my turn to frown. "No. No, that's not it at all, I just…I mean it has nothing to do with you and I," I try to explain, glancing at one of the cameras in the corner of the wall.

Jace follows my line of vision and understands immediately. "I think I'm going to take a shower," he says slowly, catching my eye. "You're welcome to join if you want." He winks.

I roll my eyes, but follow him into the bathroom anyway, leaning against the wall and waiting while he turns the shower and the sink on. He turns back to me, looking expectant, and I pass a hand over my face before speaking.

"They didn't just test my blood," I say. "They…I had an ultrasound."

Jace pales a bit but doesn't unhitch himself from the sink he's leaning against. "An _ultrasound_? We haven't even—"

I hold up a hand. "I know. They said it was preemptive, but…" I shake my head.

Jace frowns. "But what?"

"I don't know," I reply. "I just…I don't think transvaginal ultrasounds are preemptive. It doesn't make sense to me."

His frown deepens. "Do you think maybe they were looking for something else? Something they didn't tell us about?"

I shrug. "I have no idea."

Jace looks at me skeptically, reading my expression, no doubt. He's rather good at that, I've come to learn. "Is there something else? You look…disturbed."

I bite my lip. "They…they gave me the ultrasound when I was passed out. I passed out when they took my blood and when I woke up they were already…in the middle of things."

"That's…messed up," he says, his frown deepening. "You would think there'd be something about that in whatever document of laws govern this place."

"I doubt it," I say bitterly, leaning against the side of the shower. "We're breeders. That's what we are, plain and simple."

Jace raises his eyebrows.

I bite my lip. "I mean…I respect the government. I do. But…sometimes…"

"You don't think that what benefits their purposes benefits the population," Jace finishes.

Another puzzle. Perhaps he's been thinking these…half treasonous thoughts his whole life, while he was still within his own unit, but he sounds like he's repeating words he's heard. Words that he grew up with. Words that only an adult who has experienced life within our Unit could speak.

Jace seems to read my thoughts and he grows pale. "Clary…there's something very important that I need to talk to you about. But I need you to promise me that you will never breathe a word of it to anybody. Absolutely no one. After I tell you, you and I can't even talk about it. You just have to accept it and try to put it out of your mind, okay?"

I hesitate. That's treason. That's actually treason. Keeping secrets from the Ultimate One…

Then again. I feel like a number. I feel like a prize put on a pedestal in front of my peers with a label that reads '_Breeder, 1__st__ Place!'_ Jace and I are a tutorial. It's a hard fact to swallow.

So I nod.

* * *

"I wasn't born here. I was born outside. And I don't mean outside the Unit itself, I mean outside this entire…god-awful complex. This entire country is just a mass of pristine, impenetrable white buildings, stretching for miles and miles, as far as the eye can see. No windows. Protected night and day. It's actually abhorrent when you compare it with how the rest of the world runs itself.

Anyway. I was born in a small town about thirty miles from the complex—that's what we call Idris. The actually name of your country is the name of a company that specializes in repopulating the world. They didn't lie about that—you were born to help repopulate the earth. The only problem is that the world doesn't need to be repopulated anymore, so the company has become its own country. When their numbers get too high, they eliminate the excess, a few hundred thousand at a time. No one lives to the average lifespan of a human being here. They're lucky if they make it to 50.

Where I'm from, and actually everywhere else in the world, people live to be between 80-100 years old. So, really, the people here are living half of a life. And that's if none of the females die in childbirth. There's an enormous crematory a mile or two outside of the complex and more and more bodies are burned every day. Stillborn children, mothers who died in childbirth, anyone over the age of 50…they're hauled out there in a giant truck—that's an enormous motorized box that's built on four wheels—every day.

I was born into a community that believes this company—country—needs to be taken down. Wiped from existence. It helped the world once, about two hundred years ago, but now it's a glorified slave factory. My community and my parents decided that they would send ten children, around ten years old, into the complex to…well, essentially, to bring it down from the inside. I don't know what's happened to the other kids. We all agreed to this, but I don't think any of us really fully realized what we were getting into. This place is a nightmare. I haven't seen the sun or the sky in eight years.

Anyway, we were snuck in by some of the White Guards, who were sympathetic to our cause. We were presented before the Unit leaders and we told them that we'd been sickly children, brought up in an infirmary, and we were finally well enough to join the other children. There were doubts, but we had identification, alibis, even hacked computer footage, and we even convinced Valen—I mean, we even convinced the Ultimate One.

I've spent the last near decade gathering information about this place and smuggling it out to my community. Not personally, of course. There's a network within these walls, and I've been delivering information to the same person the entire time. But it's been working. We're so close. So close. And once we figure everything out, we're going to burn this place to the ground and attempt to assimilate every member of this god-awful society into our communities."

* * *

I'm going to vomit.

He can't be telling the truth.

There's no way.

Not true.

No.

No.

No—

"Clary?"

I shake my head furiously, covering my mouth and swallowing bile.

"You can't tell anyone," he says, panic creeping into his voice. "Nobody. They'll kill me, and you too, for possibly conspiring against the Ultimate One."

Of course I won't tell anyone.

They wouldn't kill me, they'd lock me up for lunacy.

"I can answer any questions you have," he says quickly, holding his hands in front of him in a stance I've never seen before. Almost like he were preparing to defend himself, but I would think you would ball your hands into fists if you were preparing for defense, not splay them out…almost as if he wanted to pat me. "Didn't you wonder at all my odd references?"

"I thought—" I choke out, "I thought you were just _born in another Unit!_ Not outside the walls!"

He shakes his head. "I've referenced animals—"

"Animals?"

Jace passes a hand over his face in exasperation. "My goodness, you're so sheltered. Don't you ever wonder where your food comes from?" He drops his hand. "Animals are…other creatures that inhabit the earth. A lot of them breathe like we do, but some of them live in water. They…I honestly can't explain what an animal is. I'd have to show you."

"And what—what do you mean you haven't seen the sun?"

Jace bites his lip. "Honestly, that's another thing that's impossible to describe. It's…this giant orb of gas and fire millions of miles away from the earth…in the sky…it's very warm and very bright and whether it's in the sky or not dictates whether it's night or day."

"The Ultimate One dictates night and day."

Jace shakes his head. "One day, Clary. One day I'll show you."

I eye him skeptically. "How do I know you're not a raving lunatic?"

Jace stares at me for a moment, but then jumps like he was suddenly hit with an electric shock, rummaging through the pockets of his pants. He pulls out a small, oval-y sphere, upon which the letter B has been painted. "This is a Biosphere," he says, holding it out for me to see.

Despite myself, I lean in to examine it.

"Inside," he explains, "is a tiny, self-sustaining environment in which a flower can grow."

I frown. "What's a flower?"

He sighs. "Just let me show you."

He passes his hand over the top of the Biosphere and the orb makes a small hissing noise, steam escaping from the sides. The top of the sphere pulls back, vanishing into the bottom half and revealing…revealing something I've never seen before.

The floor is made of brown, lumpy stuff that looks like it might crumble if I touched it. It smells…fresh. Like nothing I've ever smelled before. And from the floor appears a long, green handle-looking thing, with larger, teardrop shaped handles emerging from its sides. At the very top is a giant spot of red, defined by…by…I have no idea. I don't know any terminology for the strange thing Jace holds in his hands.

He notices my look of confusion. "It's a rose," he says. He points at the handles. "This long green thing is called a stem, and the green things sprouting from the sides of it are called leaves. And this," he says, gesturing to the red…thing, "is the rose itself. It's made up of multiple petals, and all the petals put together create a flower."

A flower.

"What's the…lumpy brown stuff?" I ask, my voice smaller than I intended it.

"Dirt," he answers simply.

"Who made it?" I ask.

He raises his eyebrows. "Who made it?"

I nod.

Jace shakes his head. "No one made it. Inside this flower are seeds, and when seeds land in the dirt, if they're cared for properly, they grow into flowers. There are thousands of different kinds of flowers. They need water, air, sunlight and dirt to grow. You can't manufacture this, Clary. Just like you can't actually manufacture human beings. They both need to be in the real world to survive to the fullest extent. Even this rose is just a miniature version, and far less beautiful than a whole bush of them."

I can't speak. My words have deserted me.

Jace closes the sphere and slips it back into his pocket. "Do you promise only to speak of this in here, with the water running?"

I nod. He may be insane, but…maybe I was too. "I promise."

* * *

**_Hey guys! Thank you so much for all your reviews on the last chapter!_**

**_One quick thing! I published a new story! I would LOVE it if you guys checked it out, and read the AN at the bottom of it, it's SUPER important. It's called Palace of Starlight (cheesy name, I know, bear with me while I figure out a different one). Everyone who reads it and reviews it-honestly reviews it, constructively-and who wants one, will get a preview of the next chapter of Forbidden in their IMs. Just make sure you let me know that you reviewed it, and I'll message you the preview!_**

**_PS: To the guest reviewer who keeps signing everything 'A Fan ;)': Do I know you in real life? If you are who I think you are, I am now uncomfortable and I will break our snapchat streak if you keep reading this. If not...keep being yourself! (And maybe tell me who you are.)_**


	12. Chapter 12

_**AN: *slides sheepishly onto the page* Hi? Ok, so, I think I have a pretty decent explanation for my absence? Maybe. I don't know. Remember how I said that I had that new fanfiction going on? Palace of Starlight? Yeah, so it's actually my novel in progress, and I got sidetracked with IT instead of fanfiction. It literally went through an entire plot change and everything, character development pages, a world building document…a retitle…and now it's called The Heir, and I'm on the verge of passing the 40,000 word mark!**_

_**But I just missed you guys so much! I missed my fanfiction buddies. You're all so wonderful, and no matter what happens, you guys will always be my readers. My first readers. My most loyal readers, and of course, I owe you updates. I now promise to update at LEAST bi-weekly. Enjoy!**_

* * *

Jace's secret was becoming a moral dilemma for me.

I lay in bed, listening to his even breathing, staring at the ceiling, my hands gripping the sheets as if they were my lifeline to the world. As if they could shield me from all this new information. From what he told me. From who he actually is.

I sit up and look at the—the flower on our nightstand. In the darkness of the room, I can barely make out its shape, but its foreign enough that it still holds interest for me.

Until yesterday I'd never even heard of a flower. Or dirt. Or leaves. And then, suddenly, Jace produces an object as alien to me as—as…

What _else _was I unaware of?

What else had I been lied to about?

What other information was completely omitted from my education?

Jace said that the world no longer needed our services. That the world was now bigger than this complex. Not decimated by a nuclear attack at all, like I'd been told my entire life. There were entire communities of people that I didn't even know existed until yesterday. People who didn't need me to have children, so that they could have hope against the extinction of the human race.

I feel like my world is being ripped away from me. Like I suddenly have no purpose anymore.

The effect is devastating.

Jace stirs beside me in bed, likely able to hear how my heart is beating wildly in my chest. How my breathing is speeding up. How my knees are knocking together, how I'm pressing my hands against my head to stop the screaming, to stop the shouting, to stop—

Warm fingers grab my wrists and gently pull them away from my face.

I look to find golden eyes, reflected in the dim light of the room, watching me and filled with concern.

"Are you okay?" Jace whispers, his eyes darting to the cameras in the corner of the room.

I move to nod my head, but somehow end up shaking it 'no' instead.

"Is it…was it the flower?"

I move to shake my head, but somehow end up nodding instead.

"Oh, Clary…"

Jace—in an uncharacteristically gentle and sweet move—pulls me closer to him on the bed and wraps his arms around me.

I can't help but tense, at first…Isn't he my enemy? Isn't he the one bringing my entire world crashing down around me? Isn't he the one putting my life on the line by feeding me information treasonous to the Ultimate One?

But his arms are strong and warm. His hands are steady and tangling in my hair. His heart is beating assuredly, and I relax into him, hesitantly bringing my own arms up to return the embrace.

Why on earth do they keep this from us? Why do they only encourage sex, and not…this? Of course, I've never had sex before, but…there's something so sweet, so innocent, so…comforting about it…About inhaling his scent, which I can now identify as fresh dirt and leaves and green things that grow out of the floor.

Jace lays us back onto the bed, his arms still wrapped around me, his fingers still stroking my hair.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry I had to burden you with that information."

I shake my head. "No. No, no, I—I was mad at first, but…I'm glad you told me. I'm glad you showed me that fow—flo—fowler—"

"Flower." Jace's voice is laced with wry amusement at my struggle to pronounce the world.

Not to pronounce it, I remind myself. Simply to recall what the word is.

I give him a gentle shove, but his only response is laughter.

"I think it's cute that you don't remember the word."

I scowl.

"I also think it's cute," he says, scooting so close that his entire body envelops mine, "that your reaction to the flower was pure shock."

I wrinkle my nose. "You thought that was cute?"

A nod in the dark. "I did. I do."

Jace and I are silent after that comment. It isn't a tense silence—like I'm accustomed to. I'm used to trying to make conversation with him. To doing anything to cover up the fact that I was freaking out over the thought that we might be reproducing together in a few short years.

But this is a comfortable silence. I'm comfortable in his arms, pressed up against his chest. I'm comfortable listening to him breathe. I'm comfortable with the way he traps my legs with his own.

I'm just drifting off to sleep when I feel his lips brush against my forehead.

I decide I'm comfortable with that as well—even if I am half out of my mind.

But his lips don't stop at my forehead. They trail down my temple and brush across my cheek. I don't stir—don't even give him any sign that I'm awake other than the weird hitching thing my breathing is doing, until his lips stop right at the corner of my mouth.

I am _not _comfortable with that. Not when he's so close to my lips, taunting me, teasing me, trying to see what I'll do.

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him against me, moving my mouth to the side just a bit, just enough to catch his lips with my own.

Jace moans against me, his fingers spasming at my hips, pulling me closer to him.

His tongue flicks across my bottom lip and it's my turn to moan.

I had no idea. Absolutely no idea that _this _is what a kiss could feel like. That kiss we'd shared—when the Physicians were worried I was repulsed by him—I'd thought _that _was the most wonderful thing in the world, but I was so utterly and completely wrong. No. _This _was certainly the most wonderful thing in the world.

The kiss deepens—intensifies, as Jace presses his pelvis into me. My hips undulate reflexively against him, and I'm sure that I'm just breathing a constant, whimpering moan the entire time, but I can't be sure. I can't be bothered.

I'm flying.

* * *

At breakfast, I'm still flying.

Jace's hands are still all over me, though not physically. In my mind, I know, but his fingerprints are burned permanently into my skin.

Some disgusting part of me wants to never take a shower again.

But I suppose that…after the shower…I could cover myself in him again.

I realize a little belatedly that I'm staring at Jace, who raises a delicate eyebrow over his glass of orange juice.

I feel my cheeks flame.

Jace grins and sets the glass down. "Admiring the view?"

"A little more than that," I return, the quip feeling foreign on my tongue. Foreign, but good.

Jace tips his head back and laughs. "My goodness. If _kissing _a little bit makes you this sunny, I can't wait until we have sex."

My smile drops immediately as a thought—a horrible, awful, dark and twisting thought—occurs to me. "Jace…" I say carefully. "Have…have you had sex before?"

Jace doesn't blush, but his skin pales a little bit. Almost imperceptibly, but I've been with him long enough that I notice. Slowly—agonizingly slowly—he nods.

I'm a fool. What must he think of me? This entire time, I thought that we were experiencing this together, finding things out _together_, but I…I'm the only one who's finding all these things out. By myself. What he must think of me—

"Clary," he says slowly, furrowing his brow.

I shake my head. "I'm—last night—"

"Last night was—"

"Just another kiss to you, right?" I can't imagine the devastation my eyes must betray to him. "You've kissed dozens of girls, right? Had sex with them? You've—you've already been through all of this. You've gotten good at it."

"Clary," he says in a low voice.

"And I'm just—I'm this _idiot _who's waltzing around, wrapped up in her own head, thinking that last night—" I shake my head again, as if I can push out all the memories, all the bad thoughts. "I felt like I was flying last night."

Jace blinks. I've caught him by surprise, and I don't know what he expected me to say, but it certainly wasn't that.

"Clary…" His voice hitches at the end. "Last night was _wonderful. _You—you're great. You're a natural at kissing," he finishes with a wink, finding his attitude.

"But did it mean anything to you?"

He lifts a brow. "Isn't it supposed to be purely physical?"

I swear under my breath.

This is exactly what wasn't supposed to happen.

He was right. The kissing, the touching, the eventual sex—none of that was supposed to mean anything. The fact that I'd uttered those words was nearly damning. My heart begins to pound in my chest, panic rising in the back of my throat like vomit. Any moment now, the Ultimate One or his White Guards could break down our door and drag me out, kicking and screaming, begging for mercy.

Because I wanted our fervent kissing in the dark to mean something to him.

Because it meant something to me.

But no guards come. Neither does the Ultimate One.

Jace drains his orange juice and settles the glass back on the table, standing up and stretching until I'm sure every vertebrae in his back has popped. "For what it's worth," he says in a low voice, gathering his dishes, "Kissing you means a lot to me."

* * *

_**There you go! If you guys happen to be interested in reading/commenting on my WIP, The Heir, you can find it on FictionPress and Wattpad, under the title The Heir, by Susanna De La Pena. Again, thank you for all your love!**_


	13. Chapter 13

_**AN: Hello! I misspoke, by the way. I didn't realize that bi-weekly meant twice a week (because I'm knowledgeable like that). I, unfortunately, meant semi-weekly, which means every other week. So, so sorry for the misunderstanding. Buuuuuuuuuut, here it is! Enjoy!**_

* * *

The clock finally says 11:00 pm, and I feel equally relieved and disgusted with myself.

I've officially been lying in bed for fourteen hours.

I groan and roll back over onto my left side, staring at the empty side of the bed. I've no idea what Jace did with his day. I didn't hear a single noise from him all day, though I'm thinking that maybe the walls and doors in this apartment are sound proof. But 11:00 pm means that I can finally rationalize sleeping. I can finally forget my developing feelings for Jace, and the fact that he's apparently had sex before, and the fact that he's probably kissed dozens of girls, and that I'm stupid because it actually meant something—

The door hisses across the floor as it opens and Jace slips into the room.

I snap my eyes shut and force my breathing to become even.

"I know you're awake," he says in a low voice as the door shuts behind him.

I hear his feet pad across the floor to the dresser. He rummages through the drawers and begins to change.

Jace sighs. "To answer the questions I know you have…No, I have not kissed dozens of girls. I have kissed two, and I have had sex with one, and no, none of those meant anything."

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

"About once a month, one of the Physicians here who works for my community outside, 'quarantines' me for about a week. In the eyes of Idris, I have a preexisting condition that forces me to succumb to every strain of the flu that comes my way. It happens at different times each month, but the point is that for about five or six years, I've been outside for twelve weeks out of the year."

Inhale.

"When I was thirteen, there was a girl I'd grown up with that greeted me at the edge of the forest that surrounds this place. Her name was Aline, and we were both curious and going through puberty, and we got it into our heads to kiss each other. Neither of us particularly liked it, though it was for different reasons."

Exhale.

"Nothing happened for three years, though the girls in my community tried. I was always afraid that if I did something, Idris would somehow be able to tell and then I'd come back just to get in trouble. I didn't want to risk the operation."

Inhale.

"When I was sixteen….I had a lot of pent up frustration and anger. I'm not proud of it, but I needed to take it out on something. Really, I should have gone for a run or punched a tree or something. But instead, I grabbed the first girl who approached me at the village and we had sex."

Exhale.

"Honestly, the only thing I know about her is her name. It was horrible. Not the feeling—sex feels good. She and I used to meet up every time I left Idris, and we'd spend every moment of free time—"

"I get it," I say breathlessly. "You don't have to tell me anything else."

Jace pauses.

I let my eyes open, looking in his direction, adjusting to the dark. I can barely make out his silhouette, but his head is bowed a bit, as though he's watching me, waiting for what I do next.

I flip over onto my back.

Jace sighs again and crawls onto the bed, slipping between the sheets and scooting as close to me as he can.

I don't protest as he leans down to kiss my forehead, though I want to. But I am selfish. I'm selfish and I like it when he kisses me, and who am I to deny myself that pleasure?

Selfish. That's who I am.

And naïve.

His lips linger on my forehead, his fingers finding my hair and running through it. "Clary," he says, softly, "the point is that none of that meant anything to me. But you—you mean something to me. When I kissed you last night…thinking your name only made me want to kiss you more. The other girl—I was only thinking about myself when I was with her. But when I'm with you, I think about _you_."

I swallow my guilt. I think about _me_.

But my lips are traitors and so are my desires. "You mean it?"

Jace laughs softly. "Of course I do."

He hovers over me for only a moment before his lips find mine.

I breathe into him and wrap my arms around his neck, arching my back and reflexively pressing into him. Jace smiles against me, a low laugh rumbling in his chest as he moves to cradle my head and kiss me more deeply.

My head is spinning and I'm flying again. No wonder they keep us from this for as long as they can bear to. No wonder they don't want us getting so attached.

If it wasn't enforced, I would never leave him, I realize as he moves his lips from my mouth and trails them along the line of my jaw.

I never want to leave him. I didn't notice it, but in the last months that we've been put together, he's grown on me. Sneakily and silently. I've been deluding myself into thinking we were just friends and we enjoyed each other's company and, and—

Though I will it to disappear, and though I will him not to notice, a tear trails down my cheek.

Jace stops very suddenly, his breath a sharp intake. "Clary?"

If the tear wasn't bad enough, my eyes decide to betray me and suddenly I'm crying. Sobbing. Hiccupping.

I can't see him in the dark, but I can feel his bewilderment.

But I can't stop crying.

"Clary, what's wrong?" His hands tighten behind my head, which only makes me cry harder.

"There are cameras in this room," I hiccup. "They've heard everything, they—they're going to eliminate us."

Jace shakes his head and leans down to kiss me again, but I thrust my hands against his chest to ward him off.

"Clary," he breathes, "have you been hearing nothing I've been saying?"

I frown in the dark, the tears still trailing down my cheeks.

"The cameras don't work. They keep telling the mechanic to come fix them, but he keeps mysteriously getting distracted."

I let out a pathetic hiccup.

Jace leans down and kisses a leftover tear sliding down my cheek. "We're perfectly safe, trust me."

"You mean it?"

"I know it."

* * *

Jace holds up a flimsy sheet of computer paper. "We have officially received our next assignment."

I sit down at the table, eyeing the glass of orange juice on the table instead of him. I do love orange juice. But every time I look at Jace, I can still feel his lips and his hands all over me, and I just want to—

"They want us to move on to the making out phase of physicality."

I look up at him to find him smirking. "Isn't that—"

"It's a good thing we already got there." Jace sits across from me, still smirking, and pulls his plate closer to him. "Speaking of, I'm starving."

I can literally feel the blood rising to my face as I bury my nose in my glass of orange juice.

"You're cute when you blush."

I wish I could wash the blush off my face with this orange juice. But then it would be wasted on my face instead of going into my mouth and making me happy.

Incidentally, I can't help but think, Jace could do the same thing and make me even happier than the orange juice.

A grin spreads across my face.

Jace makes me happier than orange juice.

_Orange juice_.

I drain my glass and set it back down on the table, picking up my fork and stabbing it into a piece of scrambled egg. "What proof do they want?"

"Oh, they're going to come in and watch us, of course. Make sure we're doing it right."

I nearly spit the food out. I stare at him. "They're going to observe us?"

Jace raises an eyebrow. "They've been observing all of our assignments so far, Clary. We just haven't had one in a couple of weeks."

I carefully swallow my food. "It feels different now, though."

Jace nods. "Which means we'll have to be extra careful."

* * *

Valentine folds his arms and leans against the wide glass window of the control room.

The mechanic only glares at him, prepared for death, and prepared to defend his cause to the end of the earth.

"You have been conveniently busy every time you are asked to fix the cameras in the Unit 19 Lead Apartment," Valentine says coolly. "Would you perhaps tell me why that is?"

The mechanic folds his hands calmly in front of him, his face schooled into perfect neutrality. A curl of his blonde hair falls into his bright green eyes, though he doesn't bother to bat it away. "I am the only mechanic for this Division, Your Glory. I must put system failures before cameras."

"Ah," Valentine says, stalking toward him. "Or is it, perhaps, because you're from the outside? Is it, perhaps, because you are trying to influence my daughter? To give her free reign to fall in love with that boy and validate your vendetta?"

"If that were true, Your Glory," the man says, lifting his chin, "my vendetta would already be validated."

Valentine clenches his jaw.

The mechanic continues. "We all see the way you look at your wife. The fact that you have a wife is hypocrisy in the first place. We know you love her, and we know you would go to the ends of the earth to save her. We know how you have manipulated your own system to bring your daughter to the top without her knowing that you are her father. We wouldn't need to risk the life of an innocent boy to validate our vendetta."

"Careful, mechanic. The only reason I haven't killed the boy is because of how it would affect my daughter."

"Kill him." The mechanic shrugs. "It makes no difference to our cause. You will be killing one of your own, in fact, and it would be a great benefit to us."

"You just signed your own death certificate, mechanic."

The mechanic grins.

* * *

**_AN: Thank you so much to those of you who reviewed this last chapter, and to those of you who reviewed and followed The Heir! That means SO MUCH to me. Speaking of which, the fourth chapter of that WIP is up on FictionPress and Wattpad, under the author Susanna De La Pena. By the way, fun fact, I made up this world-Elsus-when I was fifteen, and it was the inspiration for my fanfiction username! The Elsian Princess. A princess from Elsus. So yeah. Y'all should make me super happy and go read it. :P_**


	14. Chapter 14

**_Hope your guys's school years are going well!_**

* * *

Jace laughs and brushes a fiery curl from out of my eyes, his next kiss a little more gentle than the last ones have been. "You're so cute when you're flustered," he whispers.

I tighten my fingers in his hair and pull him flush against me, secretly savoring every place where our skin meets, where his pants brush up against my thigh, where he grazes his fingers on my neck. "Careful," I whisper back, though I'm half laughing as well. "Don't let them hear you."

"They can't hear a thing I'm saying."

I let out a moan and arch my back against him as he slides his knee between my thighs and nudges my legs open just enough for him to rest his own leg comfortably between them.

"Are they going all the way today?"

I'm snapped back into reality by my former classmate's question. I'd been so focused on Jace. So focused on how I wanted to tear all his clothes off and, yes, go all the way, that I'd forgotten the thirty-five pairs of eyes watching me from the side of the bed.

Jace goes rigid and blinks at me, golden eyes a little bit dazed. But he blinks slowly, shakes his head, and then presses his face against that spot where my neck and shoulder meet.

"No, they aren't," Madame says tightly. "Thank you, Clary and Jace. You will both receive excellent marks on your reports. Very good job."

Jace just nods into my shoulder, and half of me is sure that he's just now realizing that his shirt and jacket are on the floor near the students' feet, and that his belt is half undone.

"Take the rest of the day to practice," she chirps as she herds the class out of our bedroom. "Your new assignments will arrive within the next day or so."

When they finally leave, Jace doesn't move, but he begins to kiss my neck.

And as much as I want to continue…

I push my hand gently against his chest. "Jace."

"What?" he murmurs as he trails his lips down the line of my jaw.

"I feel dirty."

He freezes just as he's about to kiss my collarbone, his eyes darting worriedly up to mine. "What?"

"I just…" I struggle to find the words. "It's not you."

And I can't be sure, but a small amount of panic seems to disappear from his eyes. "If it's not me, then, what is it?"

"That was awful." My words are hoarse. "I…I mean I know what I've been taught. I know that this is what is supposed to happen. I've known from the beginning that people were going to be watching me while I made out with my partner, but…I feel dirty and ashamed and horrible."

Something like pity fills Jace's eyes and suddenly I can't look at him anymore. I drop my head back on the pillows as he sits up, straddling my hips. I try to ignore the way that feels, but even in my despair, I can't help but wonder what would happen if I pulled his belt loose and hooked my fingers in his pants and—

Jace rolls off of me and actually begins to take his pants off until he's in his underwear.

I momentarily forget my despair and sit up, eyes wide. "What are you—"

He holds his hand out to me. "How about we practice in the shower?"

I frown. "Jace, I just told you. I don't want—"

"It's ok. The shower is the most private place here. You won't feel like you're being watched." He winks.

And suddenly I understand.

I grab his hand and let him pull me into the bathroom. I strip down until I, too, am in my underwear, trying to ignore the electric charge between us.

He turns on the shower and pulls me into it, positioning both of us so that the stream of water runs over us. I nearly giggle as his hair deflates and hangs limply in his eyes. Jace grins at me and shakes his hair out of his eyes, spraying water all over the shower and me.

I yelp, but he cuts that off by grabbing my face and pressing his lips against mine.

It only lasts a moment before he pulls away again, his eyes serious.

"Look. It's normal that you don't feel the way you were expecting to. And it's normal that other people watching us feels…icky, to you."

I raise my eyebrows. "Is it? Jace, this is what's normal. I'm supposed to feel indifferent to it, and—"

"All it means is that it _actually means something _to you." Jace blinks water out of his eyes. "Clary. I mean. Some people like being watched. It…arouses them more."

I wrinkle my nose. "They _what_?"

Jace's cheeks blossom pink. "People have different sexual tastes. The only reason you don't know that is because you've been raised to believe sex is a necessity, not something to enjoy."

"So this is just something fun for you to do?" I can't believe my own ears.

"_No_," Jace says, emphatically. "No. I'm only trying to explain to you how the rest of the world sees sex. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable. It's natural for you to keep wanting to do it."

"Are there people that don't? Want to, I mean."

Jace nods quickly. "Yes. Yes, and that's fine. That's their business. You don't have to like sex, and if you don't like it, I trust you'll tell me immediately, and I will never approach you again."

"I don't think—"

"The _point _is, Clary, that everyone likes different things. Some people like sex, some don't. Some like to be watched, some don't. You are one of the people that doesn't like to be watched."

I blink water out of my eyes. "What does that have to do with it meaning something?"

"You were enjoying it. You enjoyed it until you realized people were watching again, and then you felt ashamed. You felt ashamed because you felt like you got caught doing something, and you know who made you feel like it wasn't okay to get caught? This damned establishment."

Jace grabs my upper arms like he's bracing himself. "You felt ashamed because you thought they could see that kissing me meant something to you. That it meant something to me. And here, that's something to be terrified of."

I bite my bottom lip.

"But you should never be afraid of that with me, Clary. Never. Because I am never going to leave you. I'm going to be by your side until the end, whether it be sweet or bitter. Okay?"

I nod.

He lets out a breath and brings me closer, pressing his lips to the top of my head. "I really like you. Okay?"

I nod again, trying to swallow tears. "I really like you, too."

* * *

Valentine sniffs at the corpse in front of him and then waves his hand at the White Guards standing on either side of the automatic doors across the room. "Please. Take this rotting thing away."

The Guards obey immediately, moving across the room with silent fluidity, the door opening to reveal the one thing Valentine was secretly hoping he wouldn't see that day.

His wife.

Jocelyn.

Jocelyn gapes in horror as the White Guards drag a familiar face by her and out the door.

"Alaric? Seriously, Valentine? What did he do?"

Valentine swallows hard and hopes that she didn't see that motion. He clasps his hands calmly behind his back and moves coolly back to the control panel before him. "He altered the cameras in Clarissa and Jonathan's apartment so that they would record video but not pick up any sound."

"So you _killed him_?"

Valentine nods.

Jocelyn throws her hands up and pivots on her heel to walk back out the door. "Goodbye. I need to tell Luke that his best friend just killed his second in command."

"Jocelyn."

Jocelyn continues to walk.

Valentine runs after her. He grabs her hand and pulls slightly, just hard enough to get her to stop walking. "Jocelyn, I'm sorry. I had no other options."

Rage twists Jocelyn's features. "No other options? You could have 'thrown him outside to rot' and let him go free. That would have been just as good as a death sentence to these people.'"

"I didn't think of that at the time."

"No," Jocelyn says. "Of course you didn't. You don't think about anything anymore except about ways to get Jace Herondale to tell Clary about the location of the Shadow Community."

* * *

Kaelie sits on a rock in the bright, warm afternoon sun combing through her blonde hair with her fingers and waiting for her report from Jace.

And, just like always, he arrives right on time.

"I'm sorry," he says, practically sprinting into the clearing. "I got…caught up."

Kaelie snorts and jumps off the rock. "I can't believe you're still doing this. You've had at least three chances to expose Valentine for the crook and sicko he is, and yet you still stay there."

Kaelie approaches Jace and wraps her fingers around his tie, grinning seductively. "I like this outfit, though," she coos. "I can't wait to take it off."

Jace frowns and unwraps Kaelie's finger from his tie, gently pushing her away. He haphazardly reties it and smooths down his hair. "Kaelie…"

She furrows her delicate brows. "What? You're too important to the mission now? Don't have time for this anymore?"

"It's not that I don't have time, I just—"

"You just what? What, did you fall in love with the girl you're being forced to room with?"

Jace is silent, his skin paling slightly.

Kaelie presses her lips into a thin line. "Oh my god. You did. You fell in love with her."

"It's not _love_, I just—"

Kaelie holds up a hand. "No. Forget it. We have a discussion more important than your issues with Stockholm Syndrome. Did you get any new information?"

Jace hesitates for a moment, and then nods. "They killed Alaric."

"Are you serious?" Kaelie's blue eyes fly wide. "They _killed _him?"

Jace nods.

"I thought they would have thrown him out here. He's one of Luke's closest friends, and—"

"And Luke is Valentine's closest friend, excepting Jocelyn," Jace finishes. "Alaric was important. An important spy, I know, but Valentine was closing in on him, and if he didn't kill Alaric, he would have figured out eventually that Luke is also on our side."

Kaelie purses her lips. "How's their plan with the little redhead coming?"

Jace raises an eyebrow. "Her name is Clary, first of all. And it seems to be progressing. They're going through with the Coupling. The next assignment will probably be sex."

Kaelie's lips tug up. "And then you're done, right? You'll be put into Isolation, and you can take off and rejoin us?"

Jace shakes his head. "There's three more assignments after sex."

Kaelie frowns.

"She has to become pregnant, carry the pregnancy through, and give birth. _Then _we're put into Isolation. _Then _they stop bringing the whole damned unit in to watch us."


End file.
